Every Day I am Reminded

Everyday I am reminded.

Subtle hints of your existence.

Now passed, the better part of a decade,

Still the pain follows me.

I hear you in a child's laughter.

Smell you in the jasmine.

See you in your favorite shade of blue.

Miss you in the milestones.

Lightheartedly, I pretend to be jealous.

Envious of your forever youth.

Untouched by the decay of mortality.

These lies do not last long.

Factually, it is the truth that haunts me.

A vicious realization too heavy to bare.

Incredulous enough to rip me from the hands of my salvation.

As Lucifer's fingers caressed my heal.

Some nights I abandon these thoughts in sweet delirium.

Until the frigid hand of wakefulness chokes me.

A gaping despair overwhelms me in these moments.

As I cry out to Him from the void.

I will never forget the cruel scent.

The coagulated essence of you on the tub.

Those moments I thought I could revive you.

The glistening of the razors on the floor.

Everyday I am reminded.

Subtle hints of your existence.

Now passed, the better part of a decade,

But no longer does the pain follow me.

There remains a slight tinge of mourn.

Finding answers I already possessed.

But no longer does doubt cast a shadow over my joy.

I embody the forgiveness He offers.

The prodigal daughter returns.

Scathed but victorious in spirit.

I will speak, unashamed, of my journey to the pit.

For closure and comfort are mine.

I am renewed in hope forgotten.

And I owe my breath to no man.

For my heart was once hollow, devoid of inspiration.

But now I believe it to be filling again.

Everyday I am reminded.

Of the beauty in my existence.

Now passed, the better part of two decades,

But no longer does the pain follow me.