Thoughts

The title says it all.

My life is what my thoughts make it. Things would change if my thoughts change.
But they are my world, never absent.
Dreams, wishes, desires, these are my all day thoughts.
Rude, cold, sad, these are my appearance shots.
With them, we make our world. Or we make our death.
We are who we are, but what thoughts made of us.
If you are optimistic, a pure felicity will follow behind with never leaving.
If you are pessimistic, a corrupt melancholy will join your mind and soul with never quitting.
So you choose, this or that?
I wasn't choosing as I was a child, but my mind.
Pink lips enlarged, teeth showing all the bright day and the rainy day.
But now, who would say this is that girl?
A rare smile now and then, no words to say but pushing people away.
Cold as ice, and hot as fire. I, by myself, can't recognize who I became.
I can't find me, I can't find the real me.
Why? I ask myself.
Every notion has crossed my mind, but some have stopped since they sunk in.
They never left. My mind's heft increasing.
Pain, pain is calling. Where are you? I want you.
I want to scream, but I want to stop this.
Where is the bliss? Where is the kiss?
Hits and splits in my brain. Make me miss what's a vein.
Never fain. Bane in rain. Nothing, I reign.
Sleeping in peace, on the fleece.
Am I thinking or are my thoughts thinking me?