"The Diamond Night..."

a eulogy in tear minor

Life is just a breath away… in either direction.  I don't pretend to understand, I can only try - that's what being human is I guess …pain, and doing what we can to just know and then live through it.  Some brilliance is more fragile than we want to ever believe …and so are some friends.

 

Sometimes talking it through …helps.  For a while you stay awake - ya know?  Just aren't all that sleepy - but also not too energetic, you don't WANT to be doing damn near anything.  You see a lot of sunrises through kitchen windows.  Sit out on damp, night-chilled porches - just "feeling" sorta numb.

 

You remember or at least think you do …moments, images… the gestalt of caring and missing - fills and hurts.  Then the guilts of not always being there when it's NOW you see being alone from the other person's side and your life was all that mattered and you shoulda, woulda, coulda been …different… if only you'd realized time isn't always going to be there.  So many little "things" left forever undone…

 

…and some tears are always shared… always.

 

“The Diamond Night…”

 

It’s very dark

both inside and out - right now…

dreamtime and awake-mares -

the brooding non-silence

of a mind

step-step-stepping

along its path of most-resistance

- “Ding, dong " the witch is dead

Which old witch?  The Wicked Witch!

Ding, dong " the Wicked Witch is dead!”

The melody has its presence

in now’s reality

sparks and fading afterimages

- fireflies on sight’s edges

all sides, in-sides

flash - blink -

bubble-pop bright, dull - following, moving

and my voice is a lip-whispered monotone echo

reaching my ears

harmonizing with the mind’s skips

…but my hands are empty…

My hands …are… empty.

And I’m walking

walking …slow.

 

I know and understand the whys

- my whys - not your wise wherefores,

and the tired Being

being tired

self and introspection

outward and inward angers

reachings   …failures

tries and promises “…and things that we believe in…”

endings and endings and

the LOUD silence of every breath.

 

Hot      eyes      - staring into

…The nothing…

And seeing - 

everything

 

…loves me

…loves me not

…loves me

…dreaming not

…dreaming…not…am…

Not.

 

I miss that boy

 

How do we understand

our lines within

and what crossing them means

when YOUR …awake

is their …asleep

and The Nothing is as real as it gets...

for us all

 

Chris

 

Wizard Of Oz tune

Poems And Prayers And Promises tune

 

My friend - Chris - by his own choice,  17 March 1970  - 21 Feb 2014... may your spirit find the peace it sought.

 

 

 

Author's Note

My friend - Chris - by his own choice, 17 March 1970 - 21 Feb 2014... may your spirit find the peace it sought.

Done.

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

We are losing so many of our brilliant right now, aren't we?
I am sorry for your loss.

I understand about that empty-handed thing. I really do.

no review, maybe, just acknowledgment.

[Ruth]

I am so sorry for your loss and I cannot express any thought which is not expressed here...sending love and light xx

[emmajoy]

Could admire your words, dear friend,
could say all sorts of things
but if you don't mind will just leave this
(Chris)

[J. J. Nightingale]

Some brilliance is more fragile than we want to ever believe ...and so are some friends...

I know that guilt of waking in the morn.. some times just don't seem right..

Sorry for your loss .. ♥..............

Love, Jazz