"Down..."

Its the 'night-time' of morning, and my coffee isn't quite ready yet.  I'm sitting here - in the kitchen for a bit - thinking, remembering the night... a cold and still awaitingly-empty mug in hand. 

"It was an event-full sleep, I was DOING things I felt had meaning - important things, worthwhile things, things worth the doing that I SHOULD remember having done.  I felt justifiable pride - not of arrogance or meannesses or the I-HAVE-and-YOU-don't-or-won't kind.  I can still describe the things I achieved - BECAUSE, their achieval was tangible and not just the intangible striving-toward-doing that is all so many others have to remember."

...During my life I have been a part of many things, happenings, and a witness to so very many more.  I have crossed upon so very many paths - interacted, affected, effected... an unbelievable (to others) amount of ripples upon the 'waters' of life.  ...the coffee is ready now!

"I felt the tired - but it was with accomplishment, I DID things!  I achieved, reached goals, met REAL commitments... and the smile is still in my soul."    Try to understand - please... this IS important to me.

It wasn't a dream of 'wanting' or 'desire'...  or of frustrations, decisions needing making...  or about people I had known, worked with, been with, or even wished I had been with or known.  It wasn't about worry or about trying or needing to try harder.  Or about failures... or even successes... I hadn't WON a thing or LOST - anything at all.  And I know 'Ownership' - really - it HAS a meaning and I HAVE had it.

The sky is just brightening a bit.  The coffee is good.  My eyes are filling? and my heart seems paused and this second of SADNESS is so overwhelming... damn, I feel a tear leaking, flowing unimpeeded down and down and

"Down..."

Silence -

so hard it hurts
and echoes

and I shiver as
my hands shake

intense

eyes WIDE to the
next breath
that won't come
but isn't needed...

I can't describe the scents -
sense them
KNOW them
feel and somehow TASTE them...
but not describe

I can feel the TEAR
and know its      falling
somewhere
                   AWAY
as it DOES
                   fall
somewhere away -
from my now.

...and the pause has ended -
life's dream complete...

My time seems measureably
'shorter'.

Chris

Author's Note

Speak as you like - I am not thin-skinned

Reviews

[lost girl]

falling... falling... down down down...in the now... here...I feel like there is birth. It begins at the beginning and ends at the end ...buts its a circle... a coffee cup mystery :)

[Chris]

H'lo, it was nice having you pause with me for a bit. You take care.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

what i really like here besides how the prose moved into the poem...prepared us for it...

all of the talk of accomplishments and things the speaker feels good about...and yet...it is like the speaker is trying to convince himself...and especially when we get to the end, and find the only thing he really elaborates upon or shows us, is that the coffee is finally ready....so he can have another cup and ponder his , all his...accomplishments...well maybe after breakfast.

[Chris]

Good morning Jacob. Interesting that you came - back to this one...I reread it too and all the thoughts began to re-coalesce... as my coffee brewed.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

A wit of a write here... the assembly of words as a reader goes about with this read... I liked the way you constructed the theme... and the last lines convey this all the way down... and end with "My time seems measureably
'shorter'."

[Chris]

H'lo, life as we live it... I appreciate your pause and thoughts.

[Ruth]

Never has a piece of work literally taken my breath away so much...I sincerely mean that. The finite pause to infinite connection of life and eternal understanding. This made me both tearful and sedate, happy and longing. Took my breath away xx

[Nestor Gonzalez]

yup prove that i jumped the gun in my assumption this feels bitter sweet more sweet than bitter but i do taste some bitteressness or perhaps like every other time i read another's work or when i sent that message it could just be empty assumptions?


"I felt the tired - but it was with accomplishment, I DID things! I achieved, reached goals, met REAL commitments... and the smile is still in my soul." Try to understand - please... this IS important to me.

It wasn't a dream of 'wanting' or 'desire'... or of frustrations, decisions needing making... or about people I had known, worked with, been with, or even wished I had been with or known. It wasn't about worry or about trying or needing to try harder. Or about failures... or even successes... I hadn't WON a thing or LOST - anything at all. And I know 'Ownership' - really - it HAS a meaning and I HAVE had it.

this whole work is so full of depth but specially felt it when i read this part
amazing work :]

[Ed Fagan]

It's an inner workings such as this that I limit my interactions with others. Not a feeling of superiority (as I've been accused by some) by any means, it's simply I find people can't relate and it makes me feel just that much more isolated.

I feel a bit of comfort having found this site.

[Chris]

I'm glad you found this site too, welcome to WC Ed.

[Ken Simm.]

Treading through your life in a morning I think all, such as us will/have had. But it takes a rare skill to present it to others in such a way. Apparently ithe average is 22,000 days. Does not seem long but it is important what we do with it.

[Chris]

Good seeing you today...thanks for the pause man.

[KAOlmsted]

Your writing is highly addictive...I love the sort of preamble, if you will, before the poetry...yet, in effect, it is all poetry...poetic...such a beautiful sadness. If all misery could be this engaging, there would be a lot less of it, if that makes sense...not enough people express their woe in such a way that embraces the woe, welcomes it, nurtures it...maybe a good thing, thinking about it...could you imagine WC in THAT world?? ;-) Thanks for sharing this lovely piece, Chris.

[Chris]

WC IS in that world - this world... it is up to each author to add to the gestalt - and they do.

[Larry Dyson]

Very good description of Mnay recent dreams i dream, many I suppose enriched by my medications and watching late night tv documentaries,,but most ly freeing the memories I have of this 62 years and feeling in and of it..ty Chris..A great shared Memory!Laury

[Chris]

Laury, its what we do sometimes... remember for others.

[Larry Dyson]

yes...my friend...so true.

[Baby Ricochet]

Self reflection. Great poem chris

[Chris]

A good Vet's Day Man... I remember days I hurt more - but you don't dwell on em...