Erratic

dramatic verse

 

 Oh Poseidon, you disrupt my sea
     Alter not your color for the likes
       Of miserable me
        Your mouth foams in revelry
         As I gasp desperately for
          One remaining breath
           My rosary floats upon your
           Fickle friendship of fury
          For your whims leave me
         With goose flesh as
       The grapevine wraps itself
      Around my throat--
      I bear witness to antiquated
       Notes which deceive
        The tongue of my counterpart
         Scorches this bosom--
          Nevermore do I grieve
          Yet I swim vainly--
         The chastity belt on land
        It does remain
       Drowned dreams of delusion--
     Un-new
   I lurk within the shadow of
 Door number two

Author's Note

Something a little different for me, folks.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This is so dark and mysterious. Very well written A. I agree, it's a bit different for you, yet I still hear your voice in it. Of course, I couldn't help but think of drowning .... being strangled by seaweed on my way down... but that was just a surface interpretation of course. That sea runs quite a bit deeper and you've left it wide open for interpretation.

I'm always a fan of your work, and this is no exception. You have quite a talent my friend.. a pleasure as always :)

(love the graphic)

[Periac]

wow.....amazing apollonia.....a turn I was not expected to take....a wonderful write indeed and captured jewel!

[Clockwork]

I think for being different from what you normally do it is a very good piece. I felt that the form of the piece was a nice touch. It further emphasizes the sea element of the piece. Your imagery was very nice, striking in fact. There were a few things that I did not think quite fit with the other parts of the piece. "With goose flesh as" This line seems to break up the mood created in the previous lines of the piece. The other thing that I wanted to point was The lines "un-new" and "Behind door number two. I feel that the rhyme nearly takes away from the other lines that lead to it.

All in all this is a very good piece, that I enjoyed reading.

[These Haunted Hallways]

WoW! The thunder and lightning; waves tossing things about, and the Gods peering down with such power...Yet, i still could see the tempest of heartbreak and woes in two peoples' lives. I really loved this scene. You made everything come to life here. Awesome work!!

B.A.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Wow! This is beautiful, so dark and mysterious it is....
I simply loved the imagery and beautiful visualization in it!
Very well written, one of your best!

[Ladysue]

Loved the dark and mystique picture this paints. Very well written. I also like the form you did this in; almost like a moving in a wave of words and emotion.

[ANNA]

Wow hun! I wish I wrote thispiece. Your amazing with your words. Like how you switched it up!And What a beautiful pic to show what your sending! Great format too hun!!!

As I gasp desperately for
One remaining breath
My rosary floats upon your
Fickle friendship of fury
For your whims leave me
With goose flesh as
The grapevine wraps itself
Around my throat--
I bear witness to antiquated
Notes which deceive

I just LOVE that part!!!!!! Happy holiday's sweets...
Much love n respect,
anna banana...lol

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Beautiful Apollonia. The avatar pulled me in too. i love mermaids. anyway, nice poem that brings imagrey to my mind, and takes me on a journey.

my fav part:

"my chastity belt on shore"

i thought that had a little bit of humor in it, and it made the poem even better, it was already good from the beginning though, i felt.

thanks for sharing.

kena

[Lady V]

I know that it does not what form you use or what style. You always write what draws readers to your every word. Great piece.


Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[Pax Analog]

"Poseidon" is the spelling. Entrancing graphic.

Scuba diving, I search Davey Jones locker for Door Number 2. Let's make a deal with a seal in the deep.

Poseidon's a bad a*s. Mermaids have built-in chastity belts.

On a fin scale of 1 to 10. . .This poem is vertiginous. Re-reading it, I feel like I'm swimming upside-down, in danger of mistaking floor for surface.

"The grapevine wraps itself/Around my throat--"

My, this seaweed's nubs contain the faces of small-minded network nibblers. . .No, this is not erotic auto-asphyxiation for fierce-edged fun. . .Call 911. . .

This just in: Behind Door Number 2 is ZZ Top singing "She's got legs/and she knows how to use them."

"My rosary floats upon your/Fickle friendship of fury."

Legs on land, sunlight warming your bosom, the blue sky of mind all rescue this storm-tossed mythic lovely in the nick of time. Poseidon rages on, conjuring the perfect storm for lost amphibians left behind.

This poem's a wild plunge in the mad deep inviting the same. And now, we. . .breathe!

[Fran Marie]

A most Deliciously Dark! Lovely and Mysterious piece

very nicely expressed in poetic verse~THanks for sharing

Fran Marie