Erratic

dramatic verse

 

 Oh Poseidon, you disrupt my sea
     Alter not your color for the likes
       Of miserable me
        Your mouth foams in revelry
         As I gasp desperately for
          One remaining breath
           My rosary floats upon your
           Fickle friendship of fury
          For your whims leave me
         With goose flesh as
       The grapevine wraps itself
      Around my throat--
      I bear witness to antiquated
       Notes which deceive
        The tongue of my counterpart
         Scorches this bosom--
          Nevermore do I grieve
          Yet I swim vainly--
         The chastity belt on land
        It does remain
       Drowned dreams of delusion--
     Un-new
   I lurk within the shadow of
 Door number two

Author's Note

Something a little different for me, folks.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This is so dark and mysterious. Very well written A. I agree, it's a bit different for you, yet I still hear your voice in it. Of course, I couldn't help but think of drowning .... being strangled by seaweed on my way down... but that was just a surface interpretation of course. That sea runs quite a bit deeper and you've left it wide open for interpretation.

I'm always a fan of your work, and this is no exception. You have quite a talent my friend.. a pleasure as always :)

(love the graphic)

[Reeses]

It's different but i'm truly into it. I've alwayz had a thing for the God's and Goddesses of mythology. ~Reeses~

[Illuminatix]

Aww, it is so refreshing to see a change dear One. I must say this is very poetic ~clapping~
I am glad that I read this verse...
No need to return the favor and comment on my poem I no longer care about them... ~sigh~

[R J Askew]

Dreamlike and beguiling. Is the sea the emotions? Like 'Your mouth foams in revelry' ... sounds desperate, yet upside down as there is a note of pleasure. The next lines after that suggest desperation and loss of hope and the goose flesh makes it physical. 'The grapevine wraps itself around my throat' is very vivid and combines metaphor and physical in a wonderful mix. 'The tongue of my counterpart'...gets me wondering. Who? Who? And 'scorches this bosom' is such a contrast to the wateryness. 'Drowned dreams of delusion' is surreal...as it is normally us suffering in the dreams, yet here the dreams are drowning. Also recalls your earlier suspended dream poem. The last three lines are also supremely surrealy dreamy. There isn't the same sense of panic in this poem as there was in the earlier drowning poem. It is as if you are the curious viewer of your own psychology here, rather than suffering it. And the picture of is perhaps a clue: showing a calm sexuality in a stormy sea...as if you are at one with Poseidon, your tormentor. And the mermaid also appears to be calmly watching. Also the visual wave of the poem suggests it was written in a good mood.

[Poetic Injustice]

A different kind of breathless. I want you more. Give me more.

[Legion]

Very different and I like it. Darkish a bit. The last two lines seem to throw it off somewhat. Can't quite tell why. Perhaps it reminds me of "Let's Make A Deal" (the game show) or something of the sort. Other than that, I like the way you have stretched yourself on this one and came up with top caliber stuff out of your familiar element. As always, great work. :)

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

I like it. A very lovely well written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I got to say it is quite different... you vent with such fury and passion...

Fickle friendship of fury
For your whims leave me

I really like that part, always being faithful to a friend that never returns the gesture in kind.
Fantastic write again.