Freewheeling

 

“It’s bad news I’m afraid”

she spoke in slowest motion

like a record played backwards

and I tried to digest

the chewing gum in my ears.

 

I left this man,

who took the stabilisers

from my bike

pretending to

push while my feet

pedalled furiously

unaware I was

pedalling alone,

in his bachelor flat 

with his new companion

to get acquainted

over a bottle of vodka.

 

As I prepare to

pedal off alone.

 

Reviews

[fireblossom]

Your words are always well chosen to sing. This is a sad little ditty isn't it? I was left a tad confused but got the picture. Daughter and dad and dads new friend...perhaps alcoholic...Not sure who "She" in the opening stanza is...however I am prepared to love the overall effect and am happy with this read.

[Samuel Dickens]

I knew what you meant by "stabilisers" It's a common aviation term. It seems that Orlando below understood all your meanings very well, but, alas--I did not, to be honest. I like the poem, though.

[R J Askew]

Sigh. Yep, you captured the situation poignantly. Four of you in the room with Vodak being the fourth. And you were there in two ways, as the child for whom a dad is the hero strong man holding the bike of your life to help you get going...and now you are there as the older and wiser you who maybe finds it hard to perhaps to win your share of attention as the new companion and the old Vodka companion dominate. Sad. But you will keep pedalling back and forth as needed. And do what you can, with a tear and a wry smile perhaps.

[PianoandPage]

ok. rereading this with understanding makes me truly appreciate your sentiment and metaphor.

also i think "stabilisers" threw me. i'm still learning british lingo here. we would call em "training wheels".

but i digress.

yes i love this poem. thanks for changing it and letting me know.

the last line really does mean a lot more now and i see it's importance and significance.

[Murphy]

by far, one of the more powerful pieces you have written, and understandably so... a lot of feeling here.

[PianoandPage]

i like the bike metaphor and especially the "chewing gum in my ears" but this didn't really connect with me. not sure why.

maybe it's just my mood. i felt like i was sort of left in the dark on this one.

i wish i had better things to say or more specifics to give you april. i donno. the ending just seemed like a repeat of what you already said. maybe try a different ending?