A woman named Gormless

A woman named Gormless

A Poem by Arsenic Nemesis

Some of the most important people in your life will have a pet name...




What is that vile smell, pouring in from my kitchen?

Rotten flesh, dipped in a jar of vinegar?




it’s none other than Gormless!

She has arrived on the most bitter of days,

dragging her lifeless body up my drive, to my door,




“Alright, Liz?” mother greets with a smile.

The woman, with greys in her hair matches the gesture, scraping her feet onto the welcome mat. “Still dying my hair?” she queries.


I pause in my seat - now who could that be?

Grab the shovel, take aim for the head; they have arrived!




it’s just Gormless.

A humble, chip-shop lady at heart; working part time as a dinner lady

in my old secondary school.

So, that’s the vinegar I smell...




the rotting flesh is just her :)



“Bye, Gormless,” I say with a grin, noticing her headwear I add, “nice hat”

She grins her rotten teeth onto me. “Aw, thank you”


Then she takes her smell outside.



© 2011 Arsenic Nemesis

Author's Note

Arsenic Nemesis
Literally a two minute, unedited and naff poem before I retire to my chambers for the night. This is dedicated to my mam's oldest friend, and my adopted auntie whom I bully constantly XD Her pet name is "Gormless" find out where she lives, send her letters/emails, tell me to pass the message on; just call her Gormless, mortals! :D

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And HOW could anyone hate this poem?


Posted 12 Years Ago

Amazing! (: THis was a bit strange, but strange is epically awesome! Love it!

Posted 13 Years Ago

AWESOME! Please continue making these kinds of poems. It's nice to have something to read with humor in mind.
Great read.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Ha ha ha ha, that was hilarious!!! I love this poem, it was absolutely humoring to me...! I had to reread it though because I loved it so much! 1000000/100 :)

Posted 13 Years Ago

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hahaha this was great!! you make such strange things so plausible and poetic haha a truly creative mind you have their behind the neon insignia!!

Posted 13 Years Ago

that was the weirdest thing Ive read...in awhile...lol interesting.

Posted 13 Years Ago

I feel like I just smoked dust.
It was a nursery rhyme for a rehab of nutcases.

What longer piece of yours should I tackle?
your style is a mixture of decaying children and candy canes.

any requests?

Posted 13 Years Ago

hahaha this is well funny! I like it a lot...'it's none other than Gormless!' this line makes me giggle so much :D well done

Posted 13 Years Ago

Sick and Wrong.
pretty good!

Posted 13 Years Ago


Posted 13 Years Ago

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13 Reviews
Added on December 16, 2010
Last Updated on February 2, 2011
Tags: gormless, liz, chip, shop, dinner, lady, comedy, zombies, hair, lol, let's, all, bully


Arsenic Nemesis
Arsenic Nemesis

Redcar, United Kingdom

MOVED. NOW http://www.writerscafe.org/Paranoid%20Maze more..


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