What is happening to mother India?

When the whole world prays for gaza, am afraid they are unable to look at themselves. Before we point our fingers on our neighbouring nation, let’s have a look on our country.

                         

                                                     What is happening to mother India?

                                                     It is becoming a ferocious encyclopedia.

A girl got raped,

And the man escaped.

The whole seen obtained videotaped,

with the case being reshaped.

                                                      The poor become the poorer

                                                      And the rich become the richer.

                                                     Ones who sacrificed their lives for amity,

                                                      are now taking lives for enmity.

People sitting in front of TV, cheering favorite team,

soldiers battling hard, to attain everyone’s dream.

One man one religion,

has divided every region.

                                                    What is happening to mother India,

                                                   It has become a ferocious encyclopedia.

 Pray for Gaza, Pray for India

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

How effective is the poem in making people realize the truth?

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

Whilst the metaphor (well it's hardly a metaphor these are facts really) is simple and effective, the deliverance is again hindered by a 'lost in translation' issue. I've mentioned this in my other review and the same advice applies here. There's greatness sitting right in front of you, but this needs to be edited by someone with a very firm grasp on both your ideas and the English language to truly let the beauty of this poem out. I hope you find them because I can't wait to see what your words will become, and what you will deliver next.

-Robin

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

I agree with you Robin, though do you not mean Delivery vs Deliverance?

[Christopher Robin]

In almost all other cases yes Delivery would be the better word, though deliverance can still mean 'declaration or announcement'. I chose deliverance because of it's other meaning in relation to this poem. When i say 'let the beauty of this poem out' i truly mean to set it free, for it to be 'delivered' from the language barrier holding it back. It was deliberate because I rarely get to use it for both meanings :)

[Christopher Robin]

autocorrected that its to an it's, apologies.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

Okay, I guess it was the way you used it the sentence ...the deliverance is again hindered... that caused me to view it as a statement of condition vs a statement of transformation. Thank you for clarifying that.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

and autocorrect is the all of our bane! :D

[Christopher Robin]

No i totally understand your confusion, what I intended and how it reads would confuse me as well if i had not written it myself!

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

'and autocorrect is the all of our bane!' clearly, I need more coffee!

[Avanthika]

once again thank you robin, as promised will read the works of writers you told me

[Pushkar Prabhat]

sadly, this has become the reality of our great country.
good poem.
try and review it once more, may be add some things.
i liked it!
:)

[Avanthika]

thanks a lot for reading , will improve it

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome! and please don't be bothered by a negative review............your every poem is complete in itself, it's just that sometimes other people might not be able to see things from your perspective.
keep up the good work!
:)

[Avanthika]

That was so nice you, a writer should never be bothered about negativity, infact we should welcome the negativity more to improve our writing and i too take it as that way, its good when you see the other writers commnt on you only because they want you to improve , thats the best thing about being writer. :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

well that is what we are all here for: to improve!

[Mila]

The English is a little shaky, but even with that, as an Indian girl, this really hit home for me. I am SO glad that someone else sees it and feels the need to write about it speak out. Besides the shaky English, for personal reasons, this was a VERY well done poem!

[Avanthika]

thank you Mila, working on that shaky english

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

I like this poem. To someone accustomed to American English there will be some issues. I am not sure encyclopedia is the best word to convey your emotion? If so I am missing something. You have also left out some pronouns that would usually be found in American writing. Other than that it is a great piece.

I only mention the English issues because you say you need to work on them in your About section on your profile. Ordinarily I would not judge a poem by the usage of language as long as it would be well received in its own demographic.

Good work, thanks for sharing.

[Avanthika]

thank you jamie, i will work on my language delivery

[Mayank]

We have got so many big mouths, who talk talk talk... news is altered and no dares to stand up!
The problem is, those who have power and money are f*****g impotent to change our country and there are too many of us, we are questioned and humiliated even when we take late night walk. Forget the system which is corrupted, lets talk about conventional or religion heads who just yell Hindus Hindus Hindus... We will be united again, you just have to wait for another cricket match or terrorist attack.

[Namrata]

It instils in all of us another ounce of brevity but then, it is sad that we don't have doers but a lot of us will talk big. Nothing has happened yet, we need to make that happen and better not say more.

[Avanthika]

i agree with you namrata, its time to react

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. The deeds in the poem are happening everywhere. We must teach the child to love their mother and respect women.
Pray for Gaza, Pray for India, Pray for Iraq. Pray one day all children can go to sleep without the fear of hate and war. War become just myth of tales of foolish men. Thank you for the outstanding poetry. This poetry need to be scream from the valley and the mountain. Stop war. Heal, not kill.
Coyote

[Avanthika]

you said it coyote, certain poems wen you arite you really want the people to read it inorder to realize the truth of the world

[Coyote Poetry]

I pray and hope for calm and peace. No child should know war and they should be safe from violence and hate.

[Briana O'Connor]

This piece is filled with truth and empathetic emotion. You expressed the horrors of reality with vivid perfection. The format of weaving from one phase to the next added emphasis to the stages in which evil has progressed. Thank you for sharing such a heart wrenching, inspiring piece and keep up the good work.

[Avanthika]

thank you Briana , thank you so much dear

[Tom]

A riveting, thought provoking read and I duly concur, clean up your own backyard before poking your nose into somebody else's and passing judgement !

[Avanthika]

Thanks Tom :) i prfere if evrybody think the way u do

[Naina]

Seriously, its a very serious issue.... We just talk about Gaza and all other nations but we don't see at the condition of our nation, its pathetic... Everywhere there is corruption, people's mentality day-by-day is getting pathetic..... On the name of religion they are doing just all the unwanted nonsense things.... Seriously we really need to pray for India... N yes, your poem is really very effective.... very well written.. Keep writing.....:))

[Avanthika]

Thank you Naina , thank you so much; think the message was conveyed through this poem

[Naina]

yaa your message is very strongly conveyed through this poem..:))