Final Eulogy

Read author's note

Would it be better
If I slit my wrists then?
Would it have changed
If I kept playing pretend?
Would the notion
Of being alright
Slowly come back
Into this dying light?
~*~
If I were to die
Where would you stand?
Would you hold another
While I drown in sin?
Would you save me from nothing
Yet everything alike
Or let time kill me?
The choice is yours tonight.
~*~
Putting forth everything
It's learning to fall
Life's greatest lessons
Posses it all
If only I knew
How to replace the pain
Tomorrow would be a grander day
~*~
Imagine my life
Before your eyes
If taken
Would you then understand why?
What about the note
What would you read
IF you honestly knew
What you think you knew about me?
~*~
Jealousy was an issue
I let that show
But something like this
Could have been pure gold
For now I'm nothing
Left in defeat
I'm hope your happy
You've truly killed me
~*~
Medically induced
To stop the rampage
If only you knew
All the mind games
I'd kill to be perfect
To live as you
But how would it feel
Walking in my shoes?
~*~
Marked is a stone
I hope it will read
"Mother of 2,
Love to me."
If only there were actions
That could fix the sin
Maybe then
I would let you back in

~*~

Heartache has caused me
To run away
All this time searching
For the perfect words to say
Mark the letter
I hope to shed some light
Maybe next time
You'll play it off right.
~*~
Would it be better
If I slit my wrists then?
Would it have changed
If I kept playing pretend?
Would the notion
Of being alright
Slowly come back
Into this dying light?

Author's Note

I feel lost, I have no other option. I don't want to be selfish, But at the same time I want it all to get better. I am trying to forget and at times I do, But you know at the end of the day, I can't shake this cloud that has been eating at me sense I found out about this whole situation. I wasn't good enough, I do see that, but it doesn't stop the hope from being there, that maybe this time things will be different. It's pushing me over the edge. I'm sure that there a quite a few people that would love to see me give up and die. And to be honest, I would love too. Just so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Just get it over with, After all, What is one more name on the list of dead poets. It's starting to feel like I can't do anything right. So with that said. I wrote this poem, trying to at least get most of what I was feeling out.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem crushed my heart. I can honestly say that I gave me a little joy to see that you have had activity on your account since it has been published. There were moments where it was a bit scary. Although life can leave us battered and bruised...we have to understand that:

Sometimes the guilt we carry is not ours to own.

[joshua deathdealer]

I love the way that you expressed these feelings. Its good to get them out and what better way than in an artistic way. Don't give up and keep your chin up. We love you.

[Helpless]

i've been there... don't give up hope.

[Spookers]

Most people have been in the same boat. When I feel like this, I try to remember that I have a kid depending on me and I cannot give up just yet. Maybe you could relate?

[Short.Nerd]

Nice!

[☯]

An immensely powerful and touching write. The emotions and thoughts yelled out load and clear and your hurt was a thing to look more into. It's not your fault if you wish for something better, you're not taking anyone's happiness. The cruel people out there are the disgusting ones who take pride in hurting others. Your poem really inspired me, and you've got the mind of a soulful dreamer and true poet. :)

[Kayla K]

If you want things to be better, it doesn't make you selfish. Don't worry. The poem was great, keep writing more to let it all out. Reminds me a lot of Would It Matter by Skillet

[Lily Mae]

Many of us have been in this same place...and I'm grateful that I held onto the hope of a better day...then week and now years.. Hold on to the good...xx

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

There are so many who have made the choice to end their own lives and have been unsuccessful and so thankful that they were. When we have children taking our own life is one of the most selfish things we could possibly do. No matter how bad things are today, they will pass and life will get better and worse and better. It is the cycle. Nothing in life is perfect but we have to enjoy that which we do have and see the light there. Might I add, I am one of those thankful people.