Prologue

Here's a story I wrote! Hope you like it! Sorry it's a little short. Thanks for the helpful reviews!

Prologue

 

Gorthan sighed. He had been looking for Ginky for hours, but there was still no sign of him. And now it was getting dark. He should have been back at Redwall a long time ago, but he didn’t want to leave Ginky here alone in Mossflower. A few days ago, Ginky had run away from Redwall. The Friar had said the tiny mole had stolen a pie, and didn’t want to get a bath, so he ran away.

 Gorthan and some other otters had gone looking for him. Now there was no hope of finding him. Just then Gorthan heard a noise toward his left in some bushes. Taking his slingshot from around his neck, he put two pebbles into it. Walking over toward the bush he called out,

                “Who goes there?” The creature mumbled and groaned, rustling the bushes some more.

“Who’s there?” It said in a raspy voice, “Are you an enemy?”

Gorthan stuck his torch into the bushes and peered into them. Letting out a gasp, he saw that it was an otter. Gorthan knelt down and put his hand into the bushes. Feeling something hot and sticky around the otter’s forehead, Gorthan guessed that it was blood. Taking a handkerchief out of his haversack on his back, Gorthan touched the otter’s forehead. The otter groaned again and rolled over. Gorthan tried to comfort the otter, but he just kept on groaning.

“Hush now. I’m an otter. I’m here to help you. Now lie still and I’ll go get help, okay?” Gorthan explained as he wrapped the handkerchief around the otter’s head and held him up to him. Gorthan uncorked his water sack and poured some water into the otter’s parched mouth. The otter let out a sigh and then screamed. Gorthan jumped in fright. He looked down into the otter’s face and found that he wasn’t breathing.

“No!” Gorthan yelled and put his ear to the otter’s heart. It wasn’t beating. Sadly, Gorthan put the otter down and ran towards Redwall Abbey. After a few minutes the otter’s breath came in short gasps. Stopping momentarily to catch his breath, Gorthan knelt and peered down at the foliage on the forest ground. What he saw disturbed him; Broken leaves, flattened grass, and cracked twigs, and even a slashed tree. Sure signs of a fight.

Suddenly, Gorthan heard paw steps behind him. Whirling around, the otter faced a large stoat. Behind him was two other stoats, but much smaller then the first. The two smaller stoats were identical and wore identical clothes; brown, ragged, dirty and torn old sack cloths with a strange badge pinned on the front of them. Chainmail stuck out from under their legs and arms. They each had snakeskin belts with two jagged daggers jammed in between two loopholes. Both stoats had a small, black, rounded helmet on their heads. The larger stoat wore a long blue coat and carried a bloody scimitar in his belt.

The largest stoat grinned and took out his scimitar and swung it and Gorthan, knocking him to the ground, unconscious. Then the two smaller stoats grabbed hold of Gorthan and dragged him off after the larger stoat, who had started heading off in another direction.

They soon reached a small camp in the middle of the clearing. There were a few fires with a dozen or so creatures huddled around them, either talking, fighting, or cooking. The stoats walked over to the largest fire, which was in the middle of the camp. Around the fire were two rats, a weasel, and some strange creature who were all sitting on logs.

“What did you catch this time, Flatear?” The creature asked the largest stoat as he ripped a chunk of meat off of a pheasant.

“I caught an otter! He was looking for the mole we caught. I thought I’d bring him to you, so you could decide what to do with him,” Flatear replied as he threw Gorthan in front of the fire.

The creature stood, walking towards him. Sniffing, he pressed a finger into Gorthan's stomach. He groaned. The creature sneered and said, "Kill 'im!"

 

 

Reviews

[Casper Cross]

Your writing is very good Ben but I want to make just one suggestion
When writing it is okay to use Pronouns when writing. Let's take this paragraph from your work.

The creature stood up and walked over to Gorthan. Sniffing, he poked Gorthan in the stomach. Gorthan let out a groan. The creature sneered and said, 'Kill im'!'

Read it aloud and you start to sound like Frankenstein's monster...

Try this instead: The creature stood, walking towards him. Sniffing he pressed a finger into Gorthan's stomach, he groaned. The creature sneered and said, "Kill im."

Try that and see if it works better for you. Good story, I enjoyed it.

[Mandi]

yeah i agree with casper and i see you've changed it so i don't feel like i have to review it except to let you know i read it...

[EliLies]

I agree with Casper. But, other than that, this was fantastic. I'm going to read more later :)
Great work, and great read.