NO HUNGER

be my own person

NO HUNGER

 

No hunger for your inheritance

I scantily notice you

my existence ripens with misery

colorless faded shadows

much as I desire your awareness

there exists a cloud between you and me

a thunderous one, ready to spill its tears

 

Why not be charitable?

nay to me, it’s inopportune

you judge me inferior at all times

once, I wish your devotion

promptly in my discretion

the strings are still frayed

I favor less, not more

thus, allow me my freedom

to drift with my backpack

to satisfy my dreams

on my own

no hunger for your inheritance

 

Author's Note

A RIFT......
Thank you for reading!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your writing has a caustic edge which comes across as a million times more subtle & sophisticated than the Betty I first started reading here. This poem is a rather mind-blowing example of how far you've come from your more humble beginnings with clunky straightforward prose-sounding lines. You should be really proud of how far you've come becuz you work harder than most anyone here at the cafe to improve yourself all the time (((HUGS)))

[Betty Hermelee]

Wow Margie, what an inspiring review! And thank you so much for recognizing some progress….I am truly honored by your comments!
Hugs B

[emmajoy]

What a write, Betty! Is showing part hurt, part offence. In spite of the one, there's defiance in your words, your attitude. Have tried to analyse the use of words during three reads. Don't think it's you with a lover, sibling or contemporary. More likely a superior at work, a professor, counsellor? The photograph shows a young woman.

Will pause on the other being for now to admire the language you've used, subtle yet energetic in wording. '.. I wish your devotion - promptly in my discretion + the strings are still frayed I favor less, not more.. ' Then, you stress the need to break free, sans 'inheritance'. Pausing yet again!! ? There's such a mysterious mix of emotions here, said with care but adamantly. This really is finely written.. and intriguing .

[Betty Hermelee]

Hi Emma…in the poem the speaker is talking to her father….but wanted it to be more subtle…thank you immensely for your thoughtful- provoking review, always appreciated.
Best,
B.

[emmajoy]

Oh, Betty, think I said everybody else but him!!!
However, your writing skill is what matters. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

V1 L3 is killer says i ..powerful and carries your theme throughout ..love the allegory with the cloud in L6-7 ... i struggle a bit with syntax in V2 L4-5 but as your poem closes i remember the rebellion in me own self ... and the pleas of me own 12 yr. old daughter who said "Da, just let me make me own mistakes will you?!" :))))))))))) great pic choice! ... i think placing it at the beginning would enhance it's effect .. is that you in the pic??? striking out on your own ;)))
E.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks for your thoughts... No, not me in the pic...are you kidding? wish it were... the pic placement does what it does on WC...can't really control it..Best, B.

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ......................

[John the Baptist]

Not sure who is being addressed, but it's apparent this relationship has seen better days. The speaker is making a declaration of independence from one whose attention was once sought. Also unclear what the "inheritance" might be, but that's moot now. Somebody is getting out of Dodge.

[Betty Hermelee]

The speaker is a twenty something talking to her father....Thanks for reading J
Best, B.

[Betty Hermelee]

Hi J... it really doesn't matter what the inheritance , it's the father -daughter relationship is what matters here and she doesn't want any part of him even if it was a million dollars!
Thanks J.

[Chris Shaw]

Freedom. To take the path you want to take and live your life the way you choose reminds me of Frank Sinatra:s song, I did it my way. One life, live it and live it well and the way you want to. Shiwscresokvevabdcstrength if character. Thank you Betty.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks always for reviewing Chris.... This is young (twenty something) speaking to her father.
Best, B

[Fran Marie]

This poem shows strength of character
to say you'll do it your own way..no one in
life should be able to tell another how to
lead their own life..even if it means you
stand alone without anyone's else 's
approval..nice work

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you Fran for thoughtful review!
Best, Betty

[Fran Marie]

you re so very welcome;

[Lorry]

You are the only person who can ever be you and anyone stopping you from being that is not realising the futility of force on someone is stopping them from being themselves too. Force never weakens and only strengthens resolve, as well as showing who is the truly weak one in the equation. Some schoolyard bullies never grow out of it, but hopefully will be taught their errors one day, as there are always bigger bullies, just like in the playground.

[Betty Hermelee]

You're spot on, dear Lorry, Yes even money can't but happiness!
Yours truly
B.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

A glorious poem of empowering spirit. To be free to choose one's own path and wander the world under their terms. Thank you Betty for sharing your art with us.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you dear Carlos, you really inspire me!
Truly Yours, B