From a lover to a friend

I seem to have a bit of the rhyming bug going on... I think this will be my last rhyming poem, but it's about me and my best friend and what we've had going on for the past 2 years.

To love a lover is a love most true

But I could never love a lover like you

You do what you do and you do it so well

But I could never do and never tell

A secret stays secret behind our lips

Secretly hidden with each secret kiss

Tell me why, oh why, oh why

Why do we hide, why do we hide

If it’s me that you want and you want what you need

I want what we have, I don’t want to leave

I am a girl and not a toy

I am not your plaything for you to enjoy

So tell me about a love, a love that is true

About a lover who’s not quite like you

Author's Note

Please review!

Reviews

[Timeless-Chan]

I've have things like this happen in my life so I kind of know exactly what you're feeling here. I love how you still remain strong throughout the poem! and I agree with CAF it would make it flow a little better to take out a "oh Why" and "Why do we hide" but you certainly don't have to^_^ great write!
`Dreamer

[Eagle Cruagh]

This is a most interesting poem.
I sense that you may be very young, if that
is true it probably means one thing, if you are
a mature adult it means somethng different.
As it stands, a lover probably means that
you have a certain degree of guilt and you
think that would be neutralized if the friend
would just admit , or state outright that you
are lovers.
It is a nice poem, very well constructed.
Thanks ,
---- John

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I have read this several times now and am impressed by the seeming contradictions that are not...does that make sense? What I mean is that this seems to be your lover, and yet they don't act like the lover you would want. In other words, you don't understand why if they love you they will not make it known.
The line "But I could never do and never tell" leads me off into wondering many things

From the lead in, here's what I get, and it may be way off. It seems that you and your best friend have a secret love affair that is not out in the open. I sense that this is making you feel like a "plaything" and you are feeling confused by it all.

Just my opinion, but when reading aloud I stumbled a bit on a couple of lines:

"Tell me why, oh why, oh why

Why do we hide, why do we hide" -

just my suggestion, but had you considered omitting one of the "oh why" and the second "why do we hide" ? It seems as if it would flow a bit better to me.

"I am not your plaything for you to enjoy" - "perhaps omit for you" since "your" already says that and then it would flow a bit better - IMo

This is a good poem and I really did enjoy it. Obviously, I have spent a lot of time reading and dissecting it line by line....AT THIS point you may be wishing I hadn't!!! I am no expert, but I do know what I like. This poem is worthy of another run through reading aloud as if it were something you had never seen before...then, you can toss all my attention and suggestions. I just didn't want to leave with a "oh, it's beautiful" when I see ways it could be extremely good. If you don't want this type of review, just let me know. I offer it humbly as one poet to another.

[Madelyn Defray]

No I enjoyed your review very much- it was very informative and helpful. Thank you for taking the time out of your die to thoroughly analyze my poem! I will give it a couple of read throughs with your advice in mind and then make any alterations or even additions that would be beneficial. Again thank you!

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I'm so glad you took it as intended. Let me know if you want me to reread. :)

[ewest1220]

Love the attitude. Hurt, but strong! Great job!