'Our' Problem

'Our' Problem

A Poem by Blysful
"

Leaving the people choosing for you might be just what you need to recover. "I chose the calm one but you choose chaos for me"

"


I've got two shovels; you take yours to your shrine.
You dig up your bones, but I want to bury mine
I've got two tickets for two different trains
I'm boarding mine so that I won't see you again
I'm not your problem. I'm not your business.
Please just let me be, so that I can fix this

There's two seas to cross, one still and one stormy
I chose the calm but you choose chaos for me
I've two sets of scars, one's just in my head
you wake it up when I try to put it to bed
I'm not your issue, I'm not your hiccup
I don't need you to make sure I don't f**k up

You are not my hero, you are the conflict
but there's just no winning against this culprit
I'm not a textbook, a case opened and closed
you don't need to teach me about all my 'woes'
I'm not your responsibility, just mine
and without you? Well, I'd be doing just fine

I've got two shovels; let's bury your hatchet
our ties are too broken to try to patch it
I've got a train ticket to leave this behind
Don't bother arguing, I've made up my mind
I have my problems, but that is my business
Please just let me be. I need to fix this

© 2016 Blysful


Author's Note

Blysful
I hope I managed to portray just how harmful a relationship can be when it's doing more hurting than helping :) sometimes you know better than others what is best for you. Shocking, I know!
Please comment on whether I failed or not ^.^

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Reviews

I really love this poem. In fact, it reminded me of a poem I wrote, which I just posted "Don't Ask Me" . . . I totally saw my own situation in your poem here. I love the way you used the idea of two choices, thru-out your message, by presenting two shovels, two seas, two trains, etc. This is a great analogy for life. There are always choices & sometimes we must tear ourselves away from a choice that constantly leads us to a bad place, whether it be another person, or substance abuse, or whatever that choice might be. I love your straightforward tone, this narrator has had enuf. Sometimes it takes a bad situation to get our determination going, to choose the peaceful path.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Blysful

5 Years Ago

Thanks for this thoughtful review! I'm glad you agree with my narrator. Enuf is Enuf! :p I'll read '.. read more
Hi Blysful ^^ Well here I am at your page looking at this poem, and I to a certain extent have mixed feelings towards it.

So lets start with the good parts ^^ I love your usage of words as it invokes quite the imagery, and this seems fresh in terms of imagery. The message is portrayed wonderfully so you core high there. Now here's what's bugging me. You have some wonderful rhymes and some subtle ones as well.

But when I read this, the flow seems off. Or rather this read too prosy for me. And too many full stops. As in even in one line, you have those full stops. So it does end up affecting the flow since one has to read it in a prose like form. Maybe if you try without the rhyme scheme you might get a better flow? Because in a poem full of disorder, you are trying to maintain order in the structure and rhyme, but I for one feel that just because you are trying to rhyme, it's sort of affecting the rhythm and read. But then again, it's just my opinion.

You do a good job overall. ^^ I liked the repeat of the last line in the first verse in the last verse as well.

Also I'd suggest to capitalize all the first letters at the beginning of every new line of this write. That would actually help in the flow. And the rhythm can be maintained throughout the write. Thank you for sharing ^^

Posted 5 Years Ago


Érenn

5 Years Ago

I understood the symbolic meaning behind doing so as that would clearly express the same disjointed.. read more
Blysful

5 Years Ago

I agonised over this for hours, and in the end this is the form I chose to encapsulate the story beh.. read more
Érenn

5 Years Ago

As I said ^^ I understood the symbolic meaning and yes I know your agony as well ^^ I felt this was.. read more

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Added on April 7, 2016
Last Updated on April 7, 2016
Tags: Harmful Relationships, Hurting Not Helping, Mental Illness, Independence

Author

Blysful
Blysful

Lincolnshire, United Kingdom



About
I'll write so long as there's a pen in hand or a keyboard in reach. I ran out of pages in my numerous notebooks, so I made the (hopefully not disastrous) decision to post my work online :) more..

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