Citizen Soldier

Written for and inspired by my brother and all who put their lives on the line for war.

Heros broken,

In the boundaries of despair.

Dwelling in a life of sin

Bombs bursting in the air.

 

You fight for days

In a changed world of Hell.

Firing the one shot of a nation's start

Though so many of you fell.

 

People crying within the streets

Starving for a meal to eat.

Attempting to save their beloved nation

From an evil terrorist defeat.

 

Mothers weep,

Under the moonlit night.

Hoping for the child's safe return

And end their mental plight.

 

Call on us, dear soldier

We'll always be right here.

Traveling through the darkness with you

To end all worldly despair.

 

For one nation under God,

In His hands we must trust.

To end all this darkness taking over

For victory, we must.

Author's Note

Thankfully my brother returned safely from Iraq months ago. So happy to have him home!

Reviews

[Gideon Poetry Review]

Dear Butterfly Kisses,
I am the editor-in-chief of the newly founded Gideon Poetry Review. After having read your poem, I would like to offer you the opportunity to have it published on our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Gideon-Poetry-Review-153059232153329/?ref=bookmarks).

We are a review aimed at promising emerging poets and we found your piece reflective of your potential.

Normally, we do not accept poetry which have been previously published online. However, we would like to make an exception here given that the poetry review has just started. Should you wish to accept this offer for publishing, do fill up the submission form on our webpage as soon as possible.(https://gideontaypoetryfoundation.weebly.com/submissions.html).

Thanks and regards,
Gideon Tay Poetry Review

[TeaNoon]

This is wonderful. A few issues:
1. "Heros" in the first line should be one of the following: (a) Hero's- Singular hero is (b) Heroes- Multiple heroes.
2. In line 11, "Attempting to save...", I feel that using the word "attempting" may be putting more syllables in the line than necessary. I may just be reading it weird, though.
3. In line 12, "From an evil...", I feel that using both "evil" and "terrorist" is redundant. I don't think most could think of a "good terrorist", so the word alone has a negative connotation. If you must have "evil" in this line, I suggest maybe switching "terrorist" out for something else.
4. In line 10, "Starving for a...", I also feel that this is a bit redundant. I think switching "starving" out for perhaps, "hoping", "searching", etc. could add more to that particular line.
All in all, a great write.
Sorry to seem naggy, but these are just things that popped out to me.
Keep up the great work.~

[Antonio Valentino]

thank god he made it back to his family and friends... what sacrifices they make for us all, for our abiliity to be free, for our freedom to write what we choose to...

give him a big hug for all of us... i bet he loved your poem for him, who wouldn't

I did to.
:)

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad your brother is home. I lost many good friends in this war. It is hard on mother's and poor wives. I pray the war end and our Soldiers come home safe and sound. Thank you for the positive poem. Your brother a good man. Serving the USA is a honor.
Coyote