Father's eyes

It is hard not to follow your Father's footsteps. But we must sometimes.

                       Father's eyes and anger
                        7 April 2009
 
   (Part one. Wiser and smarter man.  Need to think before we speak. Words can be like knifes to the heart and
soul.)
 
Is my Father's eyes and anger.
Are they mine's now?
 
I told you.
I loved you.
I needed you.
 
Love should bring love.
 
Violence.
A hidden demon.
Can strike without thought.
 
Sweet friend.
Kind lover.
Did you see the monster?
 
I tried to lock the demon up.
He tried to escape.
 
I must walk away for a moment.
Deep breathe and counting to ten.
 
My world is falling apart.
Like my Father's world did too.
He took the bad road.
Pissed off and violence.
 
I will keep quiet.
Do my best to stay strong.
Ain't easy when your world is falling down around you.
 
We need kind words.
We need a lot of patience.
A lot of love.
 
I will pray to the God of life and death
Give me wisdom and strength.
 
                  Coyote
 
                        My Father
 
                Written on 19 November 1989
 
When I look into the mirror.
Do I see you my father?
 
Have I become what I despised all my life?
Have my eyes.
Your violence become mine's.
 
Everyday I learn more loss.
Loss of dreams.
Lost of desires.
 
Will I become like you?
Give up.
Show spirit only when I'm violence or excited?
 
Can I stop my journey to man-hood?
My eyes from hiding tears.
Gentleness.
 
Have I travel too far?
Is the blood too strong?
 
Am I destine to hurt everyone?
I have loved.
 
If I chose my own road.
Why do I follow my father sadness.
 
                        Coyote
 
 
 
 
I
 
 
 
 

Author's Note

I was lucky. I learn from my father what not to be. His world was a hard journey. Between War and being a Mexican/Ojibwa man in a world filled with hate for race and color. In the end he did Ok. Took 50 years for him to find peace.

Reviews

[DIVYA]

Violent people are sad people and they leave great scars on those who are vulnerable to them. We carry so much of the hurt inflicted on us by our elders, especially our parents. My heart goes out to the son who has suffered so much at the hands of his father and is struggling not to become like him. He is worried that he carries his father within him and may fall into the same violent ways. But I think that the very fact that he is thinking about it is enough to keep him from becoming violent himself. Its the thought that counts, dear Coyote. Of course, there are regrettable incidents in everyone's lives but a few actions do not define an entire man and you're certainly the opposite of violent. A man full of compassion and love for his fellow beings. I hope you have found the peace you so deserve and so has your father. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing journey.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did fine peace dear and kind Divya. Four children and six children made me a kind grandfather. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[DIVYA]

I'm so happy for you, my friend. Good things happen for good hearted people. You're most welcome.

[Tate Morgan]

I like this I decided when my son was born I was now a father and not a son so i chose to let go the pain of the child to become the parent of my own child
Many men chase their fathers approval so long that they deny their own children happiness Not me!!
Tate

[Angel's Lady]

We need kind words.
We need alot of patience.
Alot of love. - Very true words...Great write!

[Wicahpi]

I am understanding what is being communicated inside of this poem;
struggling between being the 'father' you're trying not to be and the
man you want to be. Sometimes the line is blurred. It's not easy to escape
what one has been forced to witness since childhood. It's good to find peace
by writing through it. There are a few edits that need to be accomplished at
which time this will be perfectly executed! A job well done for it has a human
side most of us can relate to. Peace n Light

[Poeticpiers]

Life my friend is a nonstop learning process. You illustrate this with great clarity wise enough to learn from his mistakes.It takes a lifetime of living to know oneself

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Being bi-polar, I can relate very well to anger, depression, frustration and another world of people who are nothing like me. I gave up long ago trying to explain myself. As I read this I felt the questions cutting to the heart. I try to keep a lid on my Jack in the box...the tears for no reason, the bursts of sudden anger aimed at anyone within reach, the bouts of listless depression. I do not think I will ever know peace; not in this life. But I admire the strength and courage you put forth in this write in your determination to be a good man and not let the demons drag you down. A great write. F.G.

I really honestly liked this. I can really relate to it because I have my dad's eyes and I just never looked up to him. It was really good and it showed both fear and anger, which is the really great thing about poems, they're a way to express what you feel.

[Scene, not herd]

The poem reflects your struggle in coming to terms with who you are versus your identity as your father's son.
I love how you've expressed these emotions and vulnerability in your poem. Good job.

[words_of_rain]

much too reflect upon here. Nicely expressed.

[PaperHearts]

This was a really expressive write. The emotion you put into this write was so strong, and so genuine, and it really helped to hold the piece together. I liked the reflective nature of this poem, and it seemed really heartfelt, yet at the same time, painful. Reading this was definitely thought-provoking for me, as it made me think about, and question, the relationship that I have with my own father.
A very beautiful and wise poem. Well done,
~PaperHearts

[LivingDeath]

Great piece :) I can tell you put alot of emotion into this. Though it may be a little depressing it kept me reading from the first line to the last. Good job and great write.