Unorthodox Methods

 

Chapter 6

 

Unorthodox Methods

 

 

“This is just getting ridiculous.” the official thought as he lay in his hospital bed once again. He couldn’t believe he managed to get himself in serious medical trouble for the umpteenth time. If he wasn’t accidently touching something poisonous, he was accidently drinking something dangerous.

 

He laid there and listened to the medics in the other room scampering about, giggling, and playing pranks like they often did. Despite their cold and uninviting appearance, most of them were actually quite jovial. The official’s door opened up and in came two medics, one holding a clipboard.

 

“Do you know how much the cinnamon dose treatment costs, sir?” the medic without the clipboard asked.

 

The official didn’t want to know.

 

“It costs around 200,000 dollars.” the medic quirked.

 

“I need a bucket!” the official yelled.

 

The medic without the clipboard quickly walked over to a cabinet in the room, pulled out a metal bucket, and set it in front of the official. The official gripped the side of the bucket with his right claw and threw it at the other medic’s head with such force; the clipboard flew out of its hands.

 

“Happy holidays, punk.” The official growled as he swung his long legs over the sides of his bed and stormed out the room, making his way down the hallway.

 

Coming at him straight ahead was a medic pushing another medic on a stretcher. The one sitting was holding an intravenous line and widely spraying fluid from it like a hose, and aiming it directly at the blue reptilian official.

 

The official leaped with his mighty legs and kicked both medics in the face with one roundhouse kick.

 

“You do not want to make me mad.” the official said as he landed. He continued down the hallway, his head almost touching the ceiling. The elevator door opened and out came more medics that soon surrounded him.

 

“Sir, you cannot leave this hospital until you have substantially healed and you pay your medical expenses!” a medic chirped.

 

“I am a high ranking official, I don’t have to pay for anything!” he growled back, bearing his sharp teeth. He continued, “Now move out of the way before I punch you.” The official clenched his fists and slammed his mighty tail on the hard white hospital floor. Upon doing this, the whole floor shook, and the some medics fell over.

 

Looking around, the official noticed the vending machine, lifting it from the bottom, he slowly picked it up. “It’s all about leverage.” He grunted. He lifted the machine above his head for a moment and heaved it at the medics, careening as it plowed into them.

 

Being the nimble creatures they were, most of the medics dodged the vending machine in time, the ones that were hit weren’t seriously injured, due to their natural resilience. The elevator door opened again, inside were about a thousand medics. The official gripped the parallel metal doors like they were cardboard and pulled them back together, trapping the medics inside. He then pulled the entire elevator down by clawing into the front of it.

 

He looked mischievously at the cables which held the elevator in place, with one potent sweep of his claw, he severed the steel cables, and the elevator fell like lead. It bounced off the walls; the cacophonous sound of metal clanging against metal was thunderous. The official was pleased.

 

However the feeling didn’t last long, the official felt an abrupt jab in his shoulder, and he swiftly turned around to see a medic holding a syringe. “I guess I…missed one.” He softly said before he fell forwards.

 

He slowly awoke with a drowsy feeling. He went to wipe the drool from his lower jaw, but he was restrained. It became evident that he was strapped to a cold metal board in a vertical position. In front of him were about four or five medics, but it was hard to make out. Anger overcame the official.

 

“Let me go! I’ll have you all deported!” he growled.

 

“Sorry, mister official!” one medic stepped forward, “Since you don’t have the money to pay your bills, we would like to compensate you, that is, if you let us run some tests.”

 

“WHAT?” he barked.

 

“You see, you seem to be allergic to just about every substance found on this planet, and we would love nothing more than to cure that!” the medic explained as it stepped back into the group, another one stepped forward and continued;

 

“As you probably remember, we medics enjoy games! Playing darts is a favorite of ours.” It said as it held out about ten syringes, all filled with a different colored liquid.

 

“We’re going to substitute darts with these, sir, and we’re going to throw them at you. You see, it’s a game and a treatment! Isn’t that cool?!” the medic beamed with excitement.

 

The official was beyond mere anger, he was now furious. “I know you medics like games, but you’re all starting to sound like loons!”

 

“Now, now, let’s not get out of control.” said one of the medics. “Here, play with this ball to calm you down.” Once the spherical blue item was handed to the official, he began to toss it around in his hand as he giggled to himself. The medics began to stare at him strangely, but then smiled as they were getting ready for the first round of their so called “game”.

 

“What shall we throw at him first?” asked one of the numerous medics. They all began to stare at the innumerable syringes. They were all so colorful and stimulating, so one of the medics exclaimed, “Why don’t we just throw all of the syringes at him at one time!?” Everyone in the room began to applaud over the remarkable idea, that is everyone except the official, who was now horrified. As each medic received a different syringe, the official’s eyes grew larger.

 

40 years earlier…

 

The young blue reptilian was crying, which was something the photographer was well prepared for. She held out a small rubber pink ball about the size of a plum and let the young one hold it; he was sitting with his relatives for a family photo.

 

“Here you go! A bouncy ball!” she said with a smile.

 

The official looked past the photographer; his mother and father were standing with his aunts and uncles. His father was the city’s high ranking official. He was looking with disappointment as he cried.

 

“Come on, son, someday you’re gonna be the official just like your old man!” he said sternly.

 

The young reptilian stopped crying, not because of his father’s words, but because he was enjoying the pink rubber ball the photographer had gave him.

 

“Y’see that?” said the young one’s father “He’s my pride and joy…and occasional headache.”

 

Present day…

 

The official looked up, and saw the evening sky. He was on the roof of the hospital; two large helicopters hovered above and were silhouetted against the dark blue sky. From one of the helicopters came down a rope ladder and a cadet crawled down.

 

“Come on, sir! You’re coming home!” he yelled.

 

The official was relieved this ordeal was concluding, until he heard the sound of a tranquilizer dart hitting the side of the helicopter. The effects of the dart came about rapidly and the craft’s movement slowed as it descended along with the cadet.

 

“NO!” The official yelled as he watched the helicopter land on the telephone wires causing the whole thing to go up in flames, the cadet and the pilot got out safely and the two ran down the street.

 

The second helicopter fired a salvo of ammunition in the direction from which the dart came. But alas, the extensive amount of ammunition bounced off a nearby steel building and reflected back at the helicopter, which then burst into flames and crash landed on the ground below. A tear rolled down the official’s scaly and rugged face after he witnessed the failed rescue attempt.

 

He turned his head in the direction from where the dart came, and was traumatized, because there, standing on the roof top of an old apartment building, was the dissenting and rebellious girl that had mocked the official so many times in the past. She conceitedly stood there, with a tranquilizer gun from a novelty store in her hand. She laughed with a smug look on her face and waved to the official. All the stubborn official could shriek was “REVENGE! REVENGE!” His ranting soon ended when he was struck with a syringe full of green liquid. He fell to the ground and fell into a deep slumber, as a medic behind him serenely said,

 

“I win.”