Previous Version
This is a previous version of Idle Hands.
She drew a small circle in the burning sands of time
To convey her vehement message of truth
A merit so worthy of honor and praise from the ones
Who gathered to survey her prelude
They watched as she tenderly touched each grain of sand
With her fingertips, so delicately fine
Each one holding their breath to see what would happen
Wondering if the circle would affect their own time
Each delicate movement, each brush of her fingers
Brought forth new triumphant sighs
As each relieved eye in the crowd looked and cheered on
When no change to themselves was applied
In one final swift movement she finished with flourish
The small circle she had drawn with her hands
And the world as they knew it disappeared into nothing
Like the sands of time, they allowed her to command
The usage of circles and sand so symbolically and meaningfully is astounding. You really did a good job with this one. The use of the phrase 'sands of time' also really struck me as brilliant. It's a well known phrase, yet it has so much meaning behind it.
intriguing piece. seductively so.
i have read it three times and there is an ethereal quality that lingers like a heat wave, and is as spell-binding as a mirage...
i can't pin it down so easily, and more is the credit!
digging, digging...and now look what i found.... a treasure of breath-taking wondering thoughts and symbolic wisdom...
I'm totally in awe in the beauty of this write...
seems like a very mystical world you crafted..
Brilliant...
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This poem has already have had a fair amount of good reviews on it, so I'mma kinda struggle to write a good review on my own here... in fair game, I think Inyourshadow said it best, relating the symbolism/theme with the most perfect piece of imagery for this piece which was a Zen garden...
Zen has a double meaning... both a description of minimalistic work following the practices of buddhist teachings and the meditation practice which gives way to "enlightenment" as everyone calls it. More so I think the practice of minimalistic like imagery follows this poem more so than the practice of finding enlightenment.
Your words, as if influenced by the picture you've posted, has certainly had a story of it's own. Forming the picture into a story of a sandpainter practicing streetart on a beach... the message of a simple circle I find is more closely related to the bandart of The Germs I find and why Darby Crash chose the image of a circle:
"Everything works in circles. Like sometimes you're doing something, and a year later you're back at the same point. You understand that? So circle one, is what we're doing now, and someday we'll probably do circle two."
The circle is more of a message of life rather than simple image relativity.
A circle is definitely a form of Zen art, and I for one can appreciate the accuracy of this poem in reference to the Zen culture.
Great poem, and I wish I could add constructive criticism for you, but there is nothing I can simply point out that seems out of place, so overall: perfect score I say. great job yo.
Sounds like a zen sand garden, I love the use of circles without end nor beginning showing the passage of time repeated in idle doodling and as a south paw I am told my idle hands owe the Devil a day of work and being born on Halloween didn't help that old fisher wives tale lmao. Sorry the picture brought that to mind.
Guess the time as come to leave
and let the waters flow
not from eyes that will not grieve
but from the ebb and flo
let dancing feet kick up the sand
and let the foam retrieve
the words I wrote with shaking hand
and without you now I leave.
Good to waste time as it so dictates our lives let us once in a while show it we just don't care lol. Keep em' coming
O the imagery in this write is spectacular. And the references to circles being drawn touches my heart in ways I'm sure only you can imagine. Beautiful write and awesome pic. I love the bottles.
This is an interesting piece to think about because circles imply either completion or closure, or possibly both. Seems to me that she trying to get some message across by being tender but tough. I don't know either way, but the prose is excellent nonetheless.
Hello, I am Neva, 4i, from Atlanta, Georgia.
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