Flowers.

Flowers.

A Poem by CharlieO
"

An old poem which I have recently revisited.

"

 

The flowers on the windowsill,
are dropping,
only a little,
but still.
The pansies and daisies
are browning and curling.
Two pink petals, periphery brown
and dying.
Separated from the rest,
lying on the windowsill,
catching the gilt light,
filtering in.  Slivered across. 
in gilded bars.
Creating petite shadows across the windowsill. 
 
Wonder if it is true what they say,
daises are truer than passionflowers,
I think I will wait,
wait and ask you. 

© 2008 CharlieO


Author's Note

CharlieO
Like I said this is an old poem which I have revisited and edited - I felt it deserved an airing. Please tell me what you think.

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I dont think I've come across this one before: or if I have, you've hidden it away somewhat!

I really like the closeness of the focus here. You've maintained the image of the flowers really well, picking out details without appearing to be moving too much. This impression is built upon by the stillness of the flowers. It appears as if you are stuck in a moment looking at these flowers. This is again added to with the low level of repetition, of words such as 'gilt' and 'wait.'

It's interesting that the flowers are starting to die, but are still on display. I really like the images you've shown here.

It's a really pretty pome!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like the idea that maybe flowers are like people... some truer than others...

Posted 11 Years Ago


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Jon
I really like the descriptive in here. It creates sharp images of what you are trying to describe in a physical sense, before opening up to the metaphorical in the last verse. A really nice, subtle piece - top stuff ;)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the process of disintegration never sounded so beautiful.

thanks for sharing with us



Posted 11 Years Ago


An interesting write, but nevertheless it is very well written. Love the use of words in the beginning of the poem, and all throughout it as well. It paints a vivid picture to us, the readers, and I greatly enjoyed it.

I love the focus that you instilled into this piece. You have some very specific key-points located in here, which paints a better picture for the readers. Usually poems like to flow, but with this one it is as if you are frozen in a moment of time, just admiring flowers that linger on a windowsill. Such a wonderful way to portray this write.

Dying flowers still on display; an interesting concept, but a good concept at that. Just because something is starting to die doesn't mean it loses it's beauty completely. Nature itself could start to die, but I think it would never lose that magnificent captivity it has on our hearts and eyes.

Well I've said this many times before, but I feel that I should say it again.This was a wonderful write, and I continue to look forward to reading more and more of this wonderful world that you have created with your poetry. Congrats!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great observation. I like the way you used "windowsill" as a focal word. That word is strong and specific. This fine poem shows how telling facts evoke deeper meaning.

Very nice.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such a wonderful vivid picture you paint of the flowers on the windowsill and the ending leaves me wondering... Very nice.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I've used these words before but even so, they're truly appropriate here ... you've painted a picture with your words.

'Can truly SEE what you've written, what you've created with only a few words and, the fact you've only 'sketched' an outline by using few words, the piece is a near masterpiece. Love: 'Wonder if it is true what they say, daisies are truer than passionflowers I think I will wait, wait and ask you' That suggests a real emotion.

Thank you, thank you for sharing a sweet, gentle and all-seeing post.



Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I dont think I've come across this one before: or if I have, you've hidden it away somewhat!

I really like the closeness of the focus here. You've maintained the image of the flowers really well, picking out details without appearing to be moving too much. This impression is built upon by the stillness of the flowers. It appears as if you are stuck in a moment looking at these flowers. This is again added to with the low level of repetition, of words such as 'gilt' and 'wait.'

It's interesting that the flowers are starting to die, but are still on display. I really like the images you've shown here.

It's a really pretty pome!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 4, 2008
Last Updated on July 4, 2008

Author

CharlieO
CharlieO

Southampton, United Kingdom



About
Hello there, I'm have been on this site for a couple of months now.I have just started writing again having gotten bogged down in work for my university course (English Literature at Southampton Uni).. more..

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