The Crash (Poem)

The glass leaves his grasp, shattering across the kitchen floor;

the wife freezes, teeth squeezing thin lips;

The young boy drops his jaw, bruised eyes darting to the door;

The husband sighs, pushes back his chair, his hands on hips.

 

With familiar motions, the man removes his belt.

The woman buries her face in scarred hands;

The boy's hands cover his face, hiding yesterday's welt;

The husband closes the distance, conjuring plans.

 

His belt whips forward, the crack like lightning.

The boy's cries ring out, piercing the night.

Crack! Crack! Crack! for eternity the blows keep heightening.

Waves of defeat roll off the boy, mingling with his fright.

Author's Note

This is kind of a dark and unpleasant topic, I realize. Tell me what you think. Advice and thoughts are welcome, as always.

Reviews

[AE]

I like how this is a story, but it still has a rhyming scheme. It's interesting how in the first stanza, you know the kid slipped up, broke the glass, oops. Then in the second stanza, you start to get cautious and worried and you can feel the fear start to creep up on you. Then it sucked (not the poem, because I really like the poem). I didn't expect for it to be like that. I actually winced because I've felt the crack of a belt before and the immediate fear when you see it, then that lingering feeling afterword when you walk off feeling defeated.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you so much! That's exactly what I was going for: that creeping fear. That's a good point you made about that feeling of defeat. I may have to make some modifications and incorporate that. Thanks for reading!

[DrAnuradha Bele]

Its scary and easy to relate to. The terror of the mother, the child. The father planning. Do add more to it, its powerful.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading. I'm glad you'd like to see more.

[CosmicEnthusiast]

this gave me goosebumps. It is dark but I like it.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you for reading. I'm glad you like it.

[θεά]

This is so grim and heart-breakingly pathetic. This is written with abject starkness and the writer is successful in leaving the reader in acute agony and distress of reading about the helplessness of the victims of domestic violence.

[Jacob Clifford]

Ah, I've forgotten how bountiful your vocabulary is. It's good to see your writing again. Thanks for reading.

[Archos]

The poem is what it's supposed to be, and it's good at it. It is very powerful, though maybe you could play with the intensity. It feels like you are going full power since the beginning and it gets monotonous. Also, 'conjuring plans' seems irrelevant to me. I hope this makes sense. Thanks for sharing!

[Jacob Clifford]

Thanks for leaving your thoughts. You have a good point about the monotonous intensity. "Conjuring plans" is supposed to be the father thinking of what he's about to do to his son, but that is a strange word choice, isn't it? I may have to take another look at this poem a bit later. Thank you.

[TheMalady]

It really is vivid that I almost feel sorry for the boy. However, reality is dark and although we try to turn away, the truth can't be avoided. This is a good poem with each lines rhyming, each stanza tells the very scene of terror, the pictures of every boy's worst nightmare. :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it.

[hcarson]

I want to climb in and smack that father right in the chops! Very well written. Sadly this goes on all over the place behind closed doors, makes me so angry but you caught it just right and summed that momentof fear up in a simple yet lovely?? Manner..?not sure that is the right word considering the contents lol but im sure you get what im saying, well done :)

[Jacob Clifford]

Haha, yes, I get what you mean. I'm glad you like the poem. Thank you for reading.

[apersonfullofthoughts]

I always like reading darker poetry as I feel like it has the most emotion. I really enjoyed reading this and thought it was written very well. I love how you included the wife and that you made her freeze knowing the husband was going to lash out on the son.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked that detail.

[Insight "MH"]

Wonderfully described, event, I can say it's a poem in HD. :)

[Jacob Clifford]

I don't think I've ever heard a review like this one before. Thanks for reading.

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome.

[Cyndy Robinson]

I like dark. Poetry is frequently a picture that makes you feel an aspect of life. You have done that here. And life is not always happy endings. It is the dark that disturbs us and we seek meaning for. I never got a belt, It was the spatula. And there is a dark side in all of us. I do not like conjuring plans in the second stanza, that is a personal opinion, maybe in your household it was different, but my experience with what you describe here is the action is more of a lash out of intolerance, not premeditated. Typo in last line think of should be off.

[Jacob Clifford]

Thank you very much for reading, Cyndy. I appreciate it and the comments you've made.