Pain and a Pen

Pain and a Pen

A Poem by William Liston
"

rhyming piece; similar to a kyrielle and ballade with internal rhyme

"
A poet heeds his aching needs;
if not, his heart would grow a hole.
His sorrow bleeds ... his spirit leads.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

When pains emerge and lightnings surge
in violent storms he can't control,
there comes an urge to delve and purge.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

He spills each word so cries unheard
can leak their blood upon a page.
His soul is stirred  a fiery bird
ascends its wings beyond pain's cage.
It's not mere ash from flaming rage,
but diamonds squeezed from blackest coal
that gleam their brilliance on a stage.
A poet's pen must bear his soul.

© 2017 William Liston


Author's Note

William Liston
Please leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged. I would like to know if the repetition of masculine pronouns (although this piece is meant for both male and female poets) was distracting. I would also like to know if the lack of internal rhyme in the last four lines off-set the flow and/or readability in any way.

Special thanks to mattavelli for helping me edit this piece.

My Review

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Featured Review

Hello, William! :)
Eight syllable lines and a fun rhyme, I love it!
It looks like it was fun to write.
Your refrain hits like a hammer.
Suggestions:
In line two, replace "have" with something more pointed, like "grow".
While your thoughts are clear, your phrasing could use some tweaking where sections two and three meet.


Posted 3 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Hello Matt :)

I'd like to thank you for your constructive review. I really enjoyed re.. read more



Reviews

Dont try to missunderstand me, William and other readers.

I want to say, that a poet born with aching needs with a hole inside, was burning the hole, pulling inside like a gravity pull, which needed to be filled by a gravity who was him's and stays with him ever.
He doesnt know that a fiery bird of him already born with hole, who is also seeking that inner need of pull by him for ever, but bounded with pain, who was shown a way, showing to let come out from pain, where the cage opened gates for her.

But unknowingly fiery bird thought she was ascending her wings to him, but both were trying to fly with showering love spreading a beautiful freshness and fragrance for those left away and who helped both, and thanking them for their togetherness, in a way to protecting them again, for their and everyone's survival.

I see a divine touch in your poetry, trying to see the depth, in my point of view, feeling the deep emotions inside. So that people dont get hurt by your poetry.

I liked your lines of "poet must bear his soul".

Its really appreciating the time, and care to write such poetry at this very young age, feeling and understanding people and trying to do more.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

jessy

3 Years Ago

Your thank you reveals that you accept my comment, I know how those aching needs burning the two sou.. read more
jessy

3 Years Ago

A Black hole!! Atleast I can lead people to true love, William, I am really wanted you to learn the .. read more
Great Aunt Astri

3 Years Ago

Goodness Jessy, you do go on. I must read one of yours
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Taz
I think that the end was awsome it just added an emphisis to the power of the words. Beautiful job all in all.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Very nicely done! The metaphors are beautiful, and I appreciate the rhythm and flow of your writing. I agree with Kelly that the repetition adds to the piece. I think that the repetition of pronouns adds flow to the lines, and I wouldn't change that. It's also a very relatable piece, which will catch the hearts of readers young and old.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your in-depth review.
I'm glad you enjoyed.
Rosie Brooklin

3 Years Ago

You're very welcome.
you make me realize who i am

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Glad I could :)
The beauty and flow of this piece...so whimsical. The form flows so nicely...you are quite talented. I enjoyed this piece so much!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.
William, I have never read poetry from one so young! I love the repetition of the last line in each stanza. I wouldn't change a thing. I think it gives more depth to the poem, in having the last stanza read with a little more offering. I loved it!

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

I too believe that repetition is one of the highlights of this piece ... glad that stood out. Thank .. read more
Kelly Scheppers

3 Years Ago

You are most welcomed!
I quite enjoyed this. As for the masculine pronouns, I hardly noticed.
The lack of internal rhyme in the last four lines didn't throw me off in any way. Just my humble opinion.
It was a pleasure to read!

Paul

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your input.
its good. i like the. A poet's pen must bear his soul.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
Charlotte

3 Years Ago

thats ok. keep writing!:)
Yes, a poem can be the diamond that comes out of a lump of coal. Our emotions, both sad and happy, are splashed on the page and we can only hope the the readers are kind. The male pronouns wee fine...after all, you are male! Lydi**

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad the masculine pronouns were not distracting.
Amazing!! Beautiful!! Keep it up!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Liston

3 Years Ago

Thank you.
Mr.Writer

3 Years Ago

No problem! :)

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1512 Views
58 Reviews
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Shelved in 8 Libraries
Added on December 12, 2016
Last Updated on June 10, 2017
Tags: poetry, writing, pain, soul

Author

William Liston
William Liston

About
Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code I'm an amateur poet who's been writing for about three and a half years. Some of my influences include Edgar Alla.. more..

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