Disorder; Noun.

Disorder; Noun.

A Poem by CourtniRenee


To be out of alignment

or against the natural order.

It was a slow realization,

like fall moss

over an unsuspecting tree,

when the grasp of knowledge


the occurrence of

a disorder.

Did it come when you

were curled on the bathroom

floor, your body empty again,

folding in on itself

like a paper bird blackening

in a hungry flame?

Did it come when

hands measured bare skin;

Was hope the one resting

on the ridges of protruding bone?

Did it come when

the fist that waits in your stomach

and unfurls in your chest

like a blossoming flower,

pushed its way through your throat,

and the box that held hope alone

cracked so that only guilt

filled your stomach?

© 2019 CourtniRenee

My Review

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this is such a powerful read here, says so much. Nicely done

Posted 2 Years Ago

We have to BE what other's perceive or our self-worth just isn't there...And ya hope and ya try and try and try and the circle is so damn vicious. And 'winning' is so damn transitory - never the same and lasts only til the next breath, view, question, word, look...

My take.

Posted 2 Years Ago

Your writing is a little more "out there" than what I'm used to understanding . . . so I don't always follow the connection between this poem overall & the idea of having a disorder. But even if I'm not getting you on a deep level (I can tell this is much deeper than what I'm getting) . . . your writing is to be admired just for it's own beauty. This part, starting with: "the fist that settles . . ." and goes until the end . . . that is one of the best & most amazing descriptions of how something feels when it punches you in the gut. I could visualize the whole fist/blossoming imagery you use there! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Years Ago

Those who are abused often feel guilt. They are badgered like sheep and corralled until they know no better and even b;lame themeselves. In some circumstances, had they charted a different course they would have found safe harbour.

Posted 2 Years Ago

Powerful poem. Probably the disorder more private than the others.
But how you laid it bare is brilliant.
It must also be the saddest disorder, as only others see the ultimate change.

Posted 2 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on February 8, 2019
Last Updated on August 13, 2019
Tags: eating disorder, bodies, women



Springfield , MO

If I know nothing else, I know that I am myself, and that is enough for me. more..

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