Battlefield: Me

Today I broke a dish

You smiled and called me clumsy

Hand out you helped sweep it up

and I walked away

Done

Clean

Finished

You pick back up your book

But in me a snake tightens and

as I walk away  

I feel the hiss starting

     “Idiot” it coos

     “You break everything you touch”

It slithers

flexing its body to fill more

To take more

Reducing me to a dry skin within my skin

           “after all can’t you get anything right”

Its voice regales me with all the failures

Takes them out one by one

Laying all my so call wrongs before me

like evidence in an overly acted made for tv crime drama

Like jewels to be examined

That dish turns in to battle fields in my head

I stand

naked

facing a well-armed military of snarks and muttering

10000 strong

I stand facing them 

alone

While you read on

Later that night you’ll notice im a little quiet

I didn’t realize with all battle cries

that quiet still exists

You drop a kiss like a parachute fighter trying to aid in the relief

But inside the war wages on

Hurling carefully chosen words to target and kill like missiles

I retreat 

and let the army of like faced warriors kick up muddy boots

Dirtying my mood and ruin the furniture of my mind

I close my eyes and let them win for a moment

All is over,

life as we know it has come to an bloody end

Over a dish

One broken dish I didn’t even like all that much to begin with

I think your mother gave it us

        “but it’s a symptom of your bigger problem”

The forces say in chorus

        “ The outcome which always remains the same pointing to your failure”

The naked retreating figure stops

Breath in

Breath out

Turning around bloodied and bruised

Trembling she draws

Strength I didn’t know, 

yet always suspected she had

         “stop”

First the sound is soft

Than like a call to arms another emerges

        “you are not welcome here”

The hiss grows louder taunting

But the spell is broken

The tide as turned

        “ I am just human, I am imperfect”

        “ I love me, and allow myself to make mistakes”

The mantra sprays the mud off the fringes of my mind

And I see clearly

Around midnight  

while you snore

I tippy toe to the kitchen and

peering at the broken shards resting in the trash

I say I win

Breast high

Chin strong

I return to bed

Champion of my own domain

Allowing your arms to hold me

Because I am worthy

All the while the purr of a snake

dim but still there

hibernates until the next

dish

spill

side ways glance from strangers

I smile and realize that this war

Is getting easier to win with each battle

 

 

 

Reviews

[sinNsincerity]

Nice title Crystal, it hooked me like a guppie.
In an other note, WOW! punches and punches and punches of imagery. I had to pick myself up...
"'stop'”
First the sound is soft
Than like a call to arms another emerges
'“you are not welcome here”"
When this rolled in, it hit me from the gut up and then slayed me.
Nice, Nice, Nice!

[dan]

That voice inside, the one we ALL dread and fear and hate...insulting and demeaning, instructing you to admit your constant mistakes, igniting a war WITH yourself, WITHIN yourself. A strong mind may fight these thoughts but they are so NUMEROUS and CONSTANT that the mental battle is fraught with obstacles and traps (the kind with spears at the bottom of the trap's deceiving hole); your mind realizes that it must simply ride this one out...until serenity and peace arrive...resting up for the next war.
This was a wonderfully written piece, Crystal, and it's going into my library favorites. take care...dan

[Julia Ledo]

Love the imagery of a snake. The snake, known for being a symbol for the devil, for evil, and so on. Paints a picture of that snake being your inner demon or even satan himself perched on your shoulder trying to get you to battle with yourself. I love that you win. You refuse to give in. Every battle won is closer to the end of the war. Lovely words, lovely message.

[Mara]

Great piece, i can understand this, to be tortured by your own mind and how you said perfectly
'But inside the war wages on'
Thank you for sharing, really liked it!

[Emily]

Love it!!
I love how you told the story!
Keep on writing!!

[terry smith]

this may be your best yet!!as your self worth grows so does your ability to fight off any foe...i kill the with humor...it is hard to fight when you are laughing...love this!!

[AaronFreitas]

This is a very interesting take at what some may see as such a small mistake, yet it lingers in
the mind and continues to eat away at you. In this case, it's not even really about the glass that
broke, it is simply the thoughts that plague the mind of failure and disappointment. I love your
word choices and the way you described the feelings, the confusion and the battle. Win one battle
at a time :)