Torn

My tears explode and shatter
To fall around me like glass shards
Sharp as razors
And translucid as dreams.

They descend

They rend my flesh along the way
To tinkle about my feet
Bloody and sinful they pool up
And more come tumbling down.

I descend

I’m cut to pieces
As if the blood had ruptured forth
From within my pounding chest
And in this moment
I am not real.

Further I descend

The screaming in my head is now
A silent deadly drone
That drowns out all else.

With just that sound
Accompanying me
I descend
Into the sea.

Author's Note

What feeling do you walk away with when you read this poem?

Reviews

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

This is a very intense poem, filled with pain. I couldn't help but notice one line that took away from that effect a little. Instead of "Until they tinkle about my feet" I think it would fit the poem more if it was "Until they trickle down my feet." This is just what I would do.

Good Job

[Pale Rose]

I can see that change, yeah. I probably won't change it but thanks for the input! I really mean it, it's nice to have such positive feedback! :D

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

haha yeah thats ok just my opinion..and no problem

[KeeD]

Intense, gripping and beautifully presented. It has vivid imagery and I love the way the stanza pauses then flows and pauses again only to be completed with such a drowning calmness. Great write, hope you win the contest, deserve to with this piece.

[Pale Rose]

Wow, thanks! I would definitely be happy to win the contest, but I'm already happy that you like it! :D

[vspjaguar]

To describe your poem precisely, it was a deep,emotional,creative and well structured poem. thanks for sharing.

[Pale Rose]

Thank you!!

[Liz]

I love the way you outlined this. I think that many writers will be able to relate to this poem, I know i could! Great job(:

[kollaboratyve]

This poem has a solid construction. I enjoyed the sensory imput it gave as I read it. I'm impressed at the flow of the words, and the thought connection. Your writing is very intentional, and I feel that your creativity will balance off your knowing how to structure the mechanics of poetry in future writings. You have some stong metaphors that set the tone of the poem . The imagery allows you to see the situation unfolds right before your eyes. Overall, this is a good work! I hope to read more poems and and/or stories written by you.