Zombie (Revamped)

A completely redone version of "Zombie". That one is still up for comparison, let me know what you think.

Cocked gun against my head,
Finger on the trigger.

Just an inch, half an inch,

And this life is gone.

 

One deep breath and one finger moves--

I stare down at this loaded death

And feel better knowing

One day, one twitch

It could all go

Away.

 

Light shines on the razor,

Thin sharp edge on my skin.

Just an inch, half an inch,

And this life is gone.

 

One sharp exhale, one hand moves--

I stare down at flawless wrists

And feel better knowing

One day, one flinch

Would take it all

Away.

 

Chill wind pushes past me,

Feet placed right on the edge.

Just an inch, half an inch,

And this life is gone.

 

One cold inhale, two feet move--

I turn around to go back home

But I feel better knowing

One day, one jump

Can make it go

Away.

 

But in my mind's eye, I know the truth:

THE BULLET CRASHED THROUGH

THE BLOOD GUSHED OUT

I TUMBLED OVER INTO THE SKY

And my body's left to wonder why--

Why somehow...I never did it.

Author's Note

If you read the original, is this one better? If not, how could it improve? Even if you didn't read the other, how do you like this poem?