The Upside of Down

The SatNav said, ‘Turn left ahead,

There’s going to be a crash,

A dozen cars are headed in

For one almighty smash!’

I slammed my foot down on the brake

And pulled off to the verge,

As other drivers honked and cursed

And flew past, in a surge.

 

I think my mouth fell open as

I stared down at the screen,

An LED was pulsing red

Ahead, at Winson Green,

‘Would you repeat the last command,’

I muttered, still in shock,

‘Sit here and wait, avoid your fate,

Five minutes on the clock!’

 

The papers said the lights had failed

When they came out next day,

A dozen cars had met head on,

Three died in that affray,

I didn’t dare say anything

In case they thought me mad,

An Oracle SatNav indeed,

I shook my head - How sad!

 

I lay awake in bed at dawn

I hadn’t been to sleep,

The automatic toaster by

The bed began to speak,

‘Get up, get up,’ and popped the toast,

Its usual discourse,

But then, ‘you’d better get downstairs

And check the neighbour’s horse.’

 

The horse was in the living room

Had come in from outside,

Had gifted us a steaming pile

Right there, on Maggie’s pride.

‘That rug will never be the same,’

I shouted at the horse:

‘I saw the door was open, so

I just came in, of course!’

 

A talking horse? It couldn’t be,

I went to see the quack,

‘I keep on hearing funny things,’

I said, he turned his back.

‘I think my ears are playing up,’

I motioned with my thumb,

He shook his head, I’d quite forgot

The Doc was deaf and dumb.

 

My life is quite impossible

I must admit defeat,

As phones and televisions all

Abuse me in the street,

But I never seem to hear the wife

Who tends to scream and shout,

So it seems there’s still an upside

When you’re going mad - No doubt!

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

You better lay off the ale, my friend. :-) I love it when you let your sense of humor show. I particularly love the sound of your voice, which is ever present in everything you write. I think it would be nice to have a storyteller by my side at night. There's no telling where my dreams might lead.

Well done.

[Daniel Sala]

If only devices were this helpful in lthe real world! A witty piece, which flows nicely, your work is nice to read for the ideas, the humour, and the smooth transition from sentence to sentence without clunky bits anywhere (like I am prone to writing). Your ability to turn sentences into perfect poetical verse is one of your much appreciated talents. Thank you.

[Tate Morgan]

HAHAHA yeah thats a good excuse We live in a fools paradise lol

[minisla]

David that is hilarious. Oracle indeed.

[TL Boehm]

There's an upside when you're going mad no doubt. Poor guy. My heart goes out to him although this was highly entertaining.

[Strider Marcus Jones]

A poetic slice of real life tinged with sadness and humour. Excellent poem. 100/100

[Baby Ricochet]

Man Australia sounds like a great place

[annie lee]

What an entertaining poem! Of course, the circumstances are grisly and unpleasant, but the lines are lively and the story brilliant.

[Marie]

I thought at first this was going to be a science fiction thig...obviously not. But at least his madness samved him from that crash.

[Emerald Seas]

Imaginative and full of humor. There's always an upside to everything. However... Why do men always want to not hear their spouse? Strange....
A fun poem to read with my morning coffee!