Time Has Come

Time Has Come

A Poem by Deandra Dawn
"

Take it as you will....

"

Time Has Come


It is time to receive retribution for

the actions perceived by the innocent as

destructive.

Mayhem guarding arbitrary advances of

undeclared self worth.

The confusing desire to dance

in the flames

licked by desperation and

melting in decay.

So vulnerable,

with heavy sighs

yet

light

breath .

It is but a curious itch

becoming only from

the flesh I have tasted,

while truth hides behind those

shielded eyes.

Lips parting only enough to

whisper

secrets,

and cover lies

© 2015 Deandra Dawn


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Reviews

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hx4gdlfamo

Posted 4 Years Ago


Great write! I especially loved the last four lines. A very strong ending.

However, if I may offer some advice, or just an idea, use gerunds sparingly and wisely. They're a very passive sounding way of expressing something and (especially in a work like this) can hamper the piece's tones of confidence, passion, and power.

For example, the line,

"Mayhem guarding arbitrary advances of,"

sounds more like an ipso facto a stoic observation or statement rather than something definitive with a message behind it. However, if you say,

"Mayhem guards arbitrary advances of,"

there is suddenly more confidence in the narrator's voice and the subject matter seems a little more important, impassioned.

Well, that's just a small simple example. But I do highly recommend using gerunds only with a purpose or very sparingly. Other than that, I really enjoyed your passion that was clearly and effectively transferred into your writing. That is a strong trait and talent.

But thank you for sharing! Keep it up!

Posted 7 Years Ago


What an inspiring strong write, well structured, strong meanings , loved the flow. What a talent you are. Nice work!!:):)

Posted 7 Years Ago


A very powerful write with openness and promotion. So much symbolism to wake and awake. Love it....::::))))

Posted 7 Years Ago


Deandra Dawn

7 Years Ago

Awww thank you so much! I appreciate it! :)
Realistic composition..
Loved the flow here.☺

Posted 7 Years Ago


Deandra Dawn

7 Years Ago

Thank you!
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Years Ago

You are welcome ☺
Sami Khalil

7 Years Ago

You are welcome. Any time...:::))))
'desire to dance in the flames licked by desperation and melting in decay' very deep and clearly depicts the political and societal rot.........very nice piece

Posted 7 Years Ago


Deandra Dawn

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
wow,tell it like it is ! i enjoyed this one

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Deandra Dawn

7 Years Ago

What can I say....brutally honest all the way
 wordman

7 Years Ago

all ways the best policy
I love your opening line Deandra... actually I love the entire write but that stuck out most to me :) Good work

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Deandra Dawn

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much, I appreciate it. :)

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8 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 2, 2015
Last Updated on June 2, 2015

Author

Deandra Dawn
Deandra Dawn

Orlando, FL



About
My name is Deandra Dawn and I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I also go by the name, Ravishing Raven, and I am currently reworking my website. What else is there to know when there .. more..

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