Prelude

             The way I remembered it, I was being rushed into a hospital with blood spilling from my forehead. I didn’t know how, or why I was there, I couldn’t remember anything before the accident. My life, for however long it had been was a blur.

            People hung over the bed as it was pushed through crowded white hallways filled with labels on the doors and carts of medical equipment around every turn. The lights above blurred like those of a subway car as it flew by a darkened station.

            “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” A blonde nurse above me said calmly.

            “What happened?” I asked, slurring my words together and noticing how my tongue and my lips felt numb and swollen. The nurse didn’t respond, but her face was serious . . . To serious for me to be fine.

            I tried to turn my head to get a better look at where I was being wheeled, but a pain shot through my entire body as I made a slight movement, forcing me to put my head back down.

            “Please, don’t move.” The nurse said, her eyes showing deep concern.

            I laid there playing possum, trying not to breathe for fear of discovering another injury. Meanwhile, my vision was starting to go fuzzy, and colors began to blur together. A thumping started in my head as blood pumped to it, everything around me blurring, then clearing, then blurring again to the incessant beating.

            My headache began to get worse, and I started to shake uncontrollably, first in my leg, then the sensation traveled up my thigh to my abdomen. My eyes were rolling back into my head, as the wound in my forehead began to bleed again.

            “He’s going into cardiac arrest!” someone shouted, their voices muffled as if they were very, very far away. My vision became spotty, then the tiny black holes that formed along my peripheral vision began to sink inward, consuming everything I could see into the inky blackness.

            I didn’t know what was happening. I had never been to a hospital before, at least, not that I could remember. Everything was strange to me, and I didn’t even know how I knew that this stark white place was a hospital, or that the woman who had looked over me was a nurse. The images and names were buried somewhere in the back of my mind, but I didn’t know how I had obtained them in the first place.

            Maybe this was what being born was like.

            Then, I heard a voice. It was an icy voice riddled with glee that seemed to come from everywhere, and nowhere at the same time.

            “is this the one master . . ?” the voice said, “Oh, he looks like he’ll make a great competitor, his soul looks very tasty indeed. Oh, couldn’t we just take it now”

            There was a pause in the speech. Whatever the voice was talking to, I wasn’t able to hear it.

            “Fine, fine, I understand. Where do you want him?”

            Another pause, then the voice said, “A very wise choice my lord, it will be done.”

            The darkness around me swirled ad vibrated like a swarm of angry bees. It pulsed against my body, squeezing me tightly and constricting my movements.

            Then there was a horrible feeling that shocked through my body. It wasn’t pain, but something else unbearable. I felt like I was being ripped in two.

            I tried to scream, call for help, but there was nobody in this strange realm that could hear me. I was alone, forced to endure this torture that was racking my body.

            My vision suddenly became clear, and the ripping sensation had passed as quickly as it had come. Around me, there was . . . nothing, nothing at all.

             A grey ashen surface covered the surface of the ground, and dark storm clouds passed over, off towards the horizon, but other than that, I was alone.

 

-

 

            I wandered around the barren world, unfeeling and uncaring. Dust whipped up occasionally around me, although there was no breeze. It wasn’t hot or cold, dry or humid, it simply existed the way it was meant to.

            I sat down a few times in the grey soil, but I didn’t get tired, hungry, or thirsty. I looked around all the time, trying to get my bearings, or see something different, but nothing changed no matter how many times I looked.

            I thought I would be in this place for ever, an eternity in this barren wasteland.

            It happened when I was walking along a path that I had trudged so many times before, a silhouette appeared in front of me. At first, it looked like a blob of ink had spilled over the ashy canvas, then it morphed into the form of a shadowy man.

            The man leaned over and beckoned me to him. I moved, unaware that my feet were moving against my will. As I approached, the figure spoke to me.

            “Well hello there kiddo. I was wondering if you would be interested in participating . . . In a game of sorts.”

            “Why?” I asked, confused, but not taken aback by the strange shadow.

            “Because my boss seems to believe that you have a certain, special quality. Now, is it a yes, or no?” Said the voice, almost egging me on.

            “Why should I?”

            “Hmm . . . you ask a lot of questions, and you’re starting to get on my nerves. If you accept, you will leave this place for a more . . . fulfilling role. I’ll ask once more. Is it a yes? or a no?

            “Yes.”

            “Well, wonderful!” the figure said excitedly, “Now just hold still.”

            I looked down, wide eyed as a black shadow began to creep up my body from the grey dust below. It flowed and swirled around me, forming a tight cocoon on my skin. It slowly made its way up to my neck, and finally my face, where I looked upwards desperately for a ray of light.

            Nothing came, no ray of light, no savior. The darkness felt cold on my cheeks as it made its way toward my eyes. My mouth was smothered, choking me, and finally, it covered my eyes, flowing over them, until I could see only darkness.

Author's Note

please ignore the grammar mistakes, sorry if it seems like a rush job.. because it was.

Reviews

[Cre8nFrmWithn]

Awesome!

[RJ620Win]

wow,,,

[J.Black]

I like your tone DL, however sometimes I wish you would show rather than tell.

This was the first piece I read of yours in which I felt I was capable of giving a decent criticism. Cliffhanger ending? I'm always a fan of those. Hmmm possibly in hell? (LOL?) But what I really enjoyed was the character of Nick. If a reader likes, feels connected with a specific protagonist, the rest of the story will be perfect DESPITE the outcome. Some parts seemed to be a little rushed, but I guess that IS the atmosphere considering he was in a hospital bed? There is always hectic being constructed.

You've opened with a hook, kept me interested enough to move onto the next.

[C. Rose]

I appreciate your writing style. It is challenging to strike a good balance of good detail or too much detail and you did really well. I am left with the need to read on and discover what lies beyond. The last paragraph "I looked down..." was absolutely wonderfully detailed and a great teaser of what is to come.

[TL Boehm]

WOW. There is a wit about this, almost a humor noire going - very subtle - I like the descriptiveness and the premise of the story - you've caught my attention but you haven't given anything away yet. Well done.

[Rory CJ Frankson]

*******************************************************************All Stars *************************

Mistakes are negligible and it reads well for a rush job lol My reading now
is a rush job between Zen, now, passing out and how I'm wanting to write more & knowing I can't. Not really being fair, but bud ya got flair and I was immediately locked in. Ideas and intimations, boiling around in my mind of where your character might be (hell?). Was the Master Satan....
Just what is the game.

A lot of very positive mental question drawn, from a one page preamble.
I can imagine what it would read like polished, to see how many well here, one page chapters ya zip through and just when, you figure....
to come back to end game?

So I library the works an will eventually find out hey, post me when the polish arrive. so as to compare the differences & fleshing out.

Good deal man, an I really liked and was impressed... I like quick pace.
With what was areal short read...

********************************************************************** With Shivers ******************

Romon in Review 05/31/10. 3:26am Quesnel BC CANADA Write On / Right On! Ro.

[Aggie Skeleton]

Things went fast but it held my attention. A very hard feat to acomplish. I really thought it was good, so I shall turn the page.

[Darruesh Eetraydes]

It is a nice start. I cant wait to see what happens now

[sawreese]

Very nice. In my opinion, things were going rather quickly, but that is an option when writing a prologue I guess. The feeling just didn't match up with the delirious, somewhat sluggish character that the speaker had, so it made things a bit out of sync for me while reading. The story is excellent though, my attention was grabbed from the start.

[ChristianM]

It was pretty good. It kept my interest. You should try to avoid using the ame word too much in close proximity. Other than that I'd say you have a lot of potential.
Keep up the good work.
I'll be continuing on in the story.