Prelude

             The way I remembered it, I was being rushed into a hospital with blood spilling from my forehead. I didn’t know how, or why I was there, I couldn’t remember anything before the accident. My life, for however long it had been was a blur.

            People hung over the bed as it was pushed through crowded white hallways filled with labels on the doors and carts of medical equipment around every turn. The lights above blurred like those of a subway car as it flew by a darkened station.

            “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” A blonde nurse above me said calmly.

            “What happened?” I asked, slurring my words together and noticing how my tongue and my lips felt numb and swollen. The nurse didn’t respond, but her face was serious . . . To serious for me to be fine.

            I tried to turn my head to get a better look at where I was being wheeled, but a pain shot through my entire body as I made a slight movement, forcing me to put my head back down.

            “Please, don’t move.” The nurse said, her eyes showing deep concern.

            I laid there playing possum, trying not to breathe for fear of discovering another injury. Meanwhile, my vision was starting to go fuzzy, and colors began to blur together. A thumping started in my head as blood pumped to it, everything around me blurring, then clearing, then blurring again to the incessant beating.

            My headache began to get worse, and I started to shake uncontrollably, first in my leg, then the sensation traveled up my thigh to my abdomen. My eyes were rolling back into my head, as the wound in my forehead began to bleed again.

            “He’s going into cardiac arrest!” someone shouted, their voices muffled as if they were very, very far away. My vision became spotty, then the tiny black holes that formed along my peripheral vision began to sink inward, consuming everything I could see into the inky blackness.

            I didn’t know what was happening. I had never been to a hospital before, at least, not that I could remember. Everything was strange to me, and I didn’t even know how I knew that this stark white place was a hospital, or that the woman who had looked over me was a nurse. The images and names were buried somewhere in the back of my mind, but I didn’t know how I had obtained them in the first place.

            Maybe this was what being born was like.

            Then, I heard a voice. It was an icy voice riddled with glee that seemed to come from everywhere, and nowhere at the same time.

            “is this the one master . . ?” the voice said, “Oh, he looks like he’ll make a great competitor, his soul looks very tasty indeed. Oh, couldn’t we just take it now”

            There was a pause in the speech. Whatever the voice was talking to, I wasn’t able to hear it.

            “Fine, fine, I understand. Where do you want him?”

            Another pause, then the voice said, “A very wise choice my lord, it will be done.”

            The darkness around me swirled ad vibrated like a swarm of angry bees. It pulsed against my body, squeezing me tightly and constricting my movements.

            Then there was a horrible feeling that shocked through my body. It wasn’t pain, but something else unbearable. I felt like I was being ripped in two.

            I tried to scream, call for help, but there was nobody in this strange realm that could hear me. I was alone, forced to endure this torture that was racking my body.

            My vision suddenly became clear, and the ripping sensation had passed as quickly as it had come. Around me, there was . . . nothing, nothing at all.

             A grey ashen surface covered the surface of the ground, and dark storm clouds passed over, off towards the horizon, but other than that, I was alone.

 

-

 

            I wandered around the barren world, unfeeling and uncaring. Dust whipped up occasionally around me, although there was no breeze. It wasn’t hot or cold, dry or humid, it simply existed the way it was meant to.

            I sat down a few times in the grey soil, but I didn’t get tired, hungry, or thirsty. I looked around all the time, trying to get my bearings, or see something different, but nothing changed no matter how many times I looked.

            I thought I would be in this place for ever, an eternity in this barren wasteland.

            It happened when I was walking along a path that I had trudged so many times before, a silhouette appeared in front of me. At first, it looked like a blob of ink had spilled over the ashy canvas, then it morphed into the form of a shadowy man.

            The man leaned over and beckoned me to him. I moved, unaware that my feet were moving against my will. As I approached, the figure spoke to me.

            “Well hello there kiddo. I was wondering if you would be interested in participating . . . In a game of sorts.”

            “Why?” I asked, confused, but not taken aback by the strange shadow.

            “Because my boss seems to believe that you have a certain, special quality. Now, is it a yes, or no?” Said the voice, almost egging me on.

            “Why should I?”

            “Hmm . . . you ask a lot of questions, and you’re starting to get on my nerves. If you accept, you will leave this place for a more . . . fulfilling role. I’ll ask once more. Is it a yes? or a no?

            “Yes.”

            “Well, wonderful!” the figure said excitedly, “Now just hold still.”

            I looked down, wide eyed as a black shadow began to creep up my body from the grey dust below. It flowed and swirled around me, forming a tight cocoon on my skin. It slowly made its way up to my neck, and finally my face, where I looked upwards desperately for a ray of light.

            Nothing came, no ray of light, no savior. The darkness felt cold on my cheeks as it made its way toward my eyes. My mouth was smothered, choking me, and finally, it covered my eyes, flowing over them, until I could see only darkness.

Author's Note

please ignore the grammar mistakes, sorry if it seems like a rush job.. because it was.

Reviews

[Rachel U.]

I began by correcting the grammar (it is my personal policy to ignore all notes that say ignore grammatical mistakes :P), but I became a little too engrossed to really care that much. However, even though my attention was grabbed, the choppy sentences, typos and whatnot were still a sore irritation to me - particularly because it's been some time since this was first published.
Regardless...still likin' it. Having started somewhere in the middle, reading the prologue now is a little unfair because I can't tell you whether or not it is truly successful at securing a reader's attention. It jumps into action fairly well, and there isn't much confusion as to what's going in - which could be a good or bad thing, depending upon how you look at it. Personally, I like prologues that leave the reader utterly confused and bewildered.
*No rating - books receive ratings at the end.

[Drifter]

Without a doubt, this has my attention. There were a few typos, some choppy sentences, and grammatical errors, but nothing too widespread or overwhelming to deter my attention for too long. I cannot wait to read more. Well done.

[Tanece Brooks]

Wow amazing. You got straight to the action and I love it. Your imagery is superb, and I can't wait to read more. I also love your characters monologue, it simply flows, and isn't choppy like other first persons I've read. Nice job.

[Seren]

Mmmm, interesting, it has a potent dream-like quality...

[aaaa]

Wow jumping right into the action. I'm lovin it :)

[Holly-Marie]

Straight into the action.
This is one of those stories that you can imagine to get exceptionally good as it goes along. With so much action straight away and being snatched away for some probably cruel purpose. Love it =)

[Star Wolf]

This is awesome!

[James Watts]

This doesn't really need to much in the way of polishing. A few mistakes here and there, yea, but no matter how many times you edit it there will be mistakes. We are human, after all. Besides, an editor will want to change things anyway lol. Nice start and some attractive imagery as well as interesting dialogue. I enjoyed the character's inner monologue and the confusion was well played.

[Frantzuu]

Great story, great writing, powerfullllll, keep goinggg!!

[WriterSki7]

I feel like I was sucked throguh a time machine from a very exciting moment to a not so exciting one . . . Yeah, it's seems a little rushed. Of course, if you don't finish the story then there's no story to improve, now is there?