On a Cold Mother�s Day

On a Cold Mother�s Day

A Poem by Dominick

 

On a Cold Mother’s Day
A Poem by Dominick
 
 
A wish for a happy
would be nothing but propaganda.
In a dark room on a dark night
the moon bright
stories always sound the same.
Clothes once on hangers now thrown a strew
and skeletal wash cloths soiled from disgust.
A small pulse of distress shivers past.
 
We haven’t spoken,
we both know why in our own shady dementia.
I made you what you are,
For this I’m sure to rot.
I took away freedom,
I made maturity creep in.
It always hurt you more then it hurt me.
 
Memory has faded greatly and again
my recollection fails me
but I’m sure it was bad
for a son to disappoint a dad
Now you're alone and lonely.
 
The money could have been better spent
If you didn’t have a mouth to feed
Many nights thinking,
while playing with flowers in the attic.
Yes it gets dark and scary but I understand.
My mutant tough skin against your gentle hand,
again you're in pain.
 
Attempts to impress,
Sleepless nights to succeed.
One day to hold up the trophy
and you no longer resent my birth.
At least now I’m self sufficient.
It makes you sick to your stomach.
 
Many years of forgiveness
yet I can not return the favor.
I planted my seed,
my army grows in strength.
I can no longer save you,
hell is your future.
 
Your shoe still scuffed by the line of no return,
the refrigerator light just went out again.
I talk to myself,
I digress.
 
Ridiculous rage, out of control twitch,
red, black, blue
starry eyed surprise
Filthy monster of disappointment
Why do you hate me?
I’m sure it was bad.
Whatever I did.
 
Jumbled words on a shelf, in a bottle,
waiting to be bestowed, upon your departure.
Till then, sleep tight mother dearest.
I promise,
never again,
will I bleed on you.
 
 

© 2008 Dominick


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The best description I can sum up is sophisticated rage, or something to that extent. I bet if translated into low-down dirty grimy terminology it would contain a lot of explicit words. If complete and udder hatred could somehow be politically correct, this would be a fair example. It's usually not a topic many embrace, I see why it is the least reviewed piece you have. Most are too afraid to even delve into such a Pandora's box.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



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The best description I can sum up is sophisticated rage, or something to that extent. I bet if translated into low-down dirty grimy terminology it would contain a lot of explicit words. If complete and udder hatred could somehow be politically correct, this would be a fair example. It's usually not a topic many embrace, I see why it is the least reviewed piece you have. Most are too afraid to even delve into such a Pandora's box.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow. I think you just described the very feelings I have for my own mother. This was indeed compelling and an enjoyable read.


Great Write.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bleak, bewildered, honest and observant...this narrative voice is compelling to read.
The narrator is quite bitter - "One day to hold up the trophy//and you no longer resent my birth." - yet maintains an objective stance for most of this poem - "Yes it gets dark and scary but I understand."

There are some great images and details throughout this piece:
"and skeletal wash cloths soiled from disgust",
"A small pulse of distress shivers past",
"our own shady dementia",
"My mutant tough skin",
"Your shoe still scuffed by the line of no return"
"Filthy monster of disappointment"
and
"Jumbled words on a shelf, in a bottle" amongst them.

The story behind this poem is an intriguing one; the narrator is sure his mother hates him, but never quite says why or how he's sure. It seems that she has said hurtful things to him -
"The money could have been better spent
If you didn?t have a mouth to feed",
"for a son to disappoint a dad" - which he now regurgitates helplessly, and that she didn't have much time for him -
"while playing with flowers in the attic" (the mother or the son; i assumed the mother?).

The fact that he was born might be the problem, unless there is a hidden story/menaing behind this:
"I promise,
never again,
will I bleed on you."

This piece holds our attention. We're pulled into the situation from the start, with no background information, just the past and present laid out before us in poetic form. The way that your narrator is addressing a third party off-stage (maybe not directly, but he isn't talking to us, this is aimed at the mother) gives us a sense of eavedropping or walking in on a conversation, one that's spilling out because it's been walled up for so long.

I'd reccomend semi-colons in a few of the places where you have commas:

"I made you what you are;
For this I?m sure to rot."

"for a son to disappoint a dad
Now you're alone and lonely." - not sure if there should be a semi colon after "dad" or a full stop, or if i haven't understood the sentence.

"I can no longer save you;
hell is your future."
or
"I can no longer save you -
hell is your future."
or
"I can no longer save you
...hell is your future." - it seems like a longer pause than that provided by a comma is required here. I might be wrong, but that's how it seems.

"starry eyed surprise - missing full stop?
Filthy monster of disappointment - colon here or a semi colon or another full stop?
Why do you hate me?"

Overall, this is a very good read; sad in parts, triumphant in others -
"I planted my seed,
my army grows in strength" (i take this to mean that he's started a family, who he views as being a source of support?) - and in general just very revealing and heartfelt.

Great work.
Thanks for posting this.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 11, 2008
Last Updated on June 6, 2008

Author

Dominick
Dominick

NY



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