How Much?

How much I wanted to speak the world about you. How much I wanted to hold you close. We stood together so many times that I felt as if my desires were true. I was happy with you near; so pleasant and content I feared not the uncertainty of the world for you and your love was the only certainty necessary for my living.

 

It was that one day when I saw you under the true that I knew I could be with you. That one day when I alone understood that the world was available for me, yet the only commodity I longed for and desired was your warm embrace and tender kiss

 

How much I wanted to tell you these things; how much I wanted to say I loved you. I would sing it at every corner and think it at every pause. It was a reality finally come true. You were perfect and wanted nothing more.

 

How much I wanted to speak the truth about where we were and who we were. How much I wanted to scream yet for all the pleasantries and all desires, I never could confess the truth.

 

How much I wanted to does not speak to how much I lacked. How much I wanted to does not speak to how much I failed. I knew I loved you and I know I still do. But as time passed I could not break my own silence. I could not tell you the truth.

 

I loved you so much. Why is it only now I may utter such truths; when they are painful and saturated with bitter memories? I have failed you, my love, and my failures have pushed you away. I tried so hard yet could not escape what I have become.

 

How much I wanted to speak the truth about how much I loved you. How much I now regret my own failure.