we swim elsewhere

a random sentence i typed to a friend of mine - felt it would make a decent haiku.

comets and ripples,

on the pond in the air;

to them, we are but algae.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

true dat. ;) or dust or bacteria. great title.

[jesthepoet]

love it!

[Chad Wesley Allbrett]

You were right it did! Nice haiku.

[Andromeda]

mysterious! me like!

[Wolfwind Words]

Ack! I like it as it is! Don't mess with it! It adds a level of mystery to the minds of the reader. Let their imagination take it to where it will go. It is like an explosion, tendrils of creation swirling out from it like a supernova. So many things i can see in just a few simple words!
Great Job!

[Tim McGovern]

it's an interesting idea for a haiku
most " western" haiku follow a 5-7-5 syllable pattern
so yours could be something like this

comets and ripples - 5
travel the ocean of air - 7
see us as algae - 5

It has the element of "temporary-ness that good haiku should have, also it lets the reader fill in the places where words are left out.
I think you should work with it a little it has potential

Namaste'