WINDOW

a poem type similar to septolet but not quite

Me 

Walking 

Stalking

Creeping

Peeping In your window

You

Parents gone

Alone

At home 

Asleep as I crawl into your window

Author's Note

1-10 RATE IT!!!

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

Another good one here, but I cannot help but feel that there is more to this than what you've written. More to the scene and to the emotions... I want to know what happens once the "me" has crawled into the "you's" window... a 5 rate. Give me the rest =D

[Jack Kennedy]

There is no more its supposed to be a minimalistic type ting where few words are read but it leaves a wonder of what's next... Thanks for the feedback :)

[Jack Kennedy]

Thing* a mistake there...

[Ravyne Hawke]

I understand the minimalism thing, but this was just a tease.. lol

[Jack Kennedy]

In that case the mission is complete!!

[Girl With A Pen]

A very interesting take on this poem. I love how you never explained if the stalker was good nor bad. You let the reader choose. An absolute solid piece! Once again, great job!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for reading and reviewing! You know I really appreciate it :)

[Mila]

Not a septolet but still a solid poem. I want to say that there should be more that needs to be said but, then again, I don't feel as though there needs to be. The rhyme scheme is a little off in the second phrase while being consistent in the first one. If you're jumping between rhymes, try using a similar rhyme scheme as the first one, if only to be consistent. The meaning of the poem is still very clear and, as always, I enjoyed reading.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for the reviews today! I'm glad you liked "Trilogy" I didn't like those except the first one so I was kinda iffy of it. Another note was I was thinking of switching lines two and three in the second verse.

[Mila]

That would probably work to keeping the consistency. And no problem! I'm always happy to help :)

[DreamOn2014]

A little creepy. but excellent!

[Jennie Baron]

Yes, the minimalism works great here, and no, I don't think this needs any further story or explanation. 8/10.

[Jack Kennedy]

I agree and thanks for the review

[arejoleacher]

Such an eerie feeling this poem gives me and a sort of rush, job very well done.

[Generic Author]

Minimalist review
for a minimalist poem

I love not knowing what happens
All up to imagination

Very good
Good indeed
Make another one
But even creepier

8/10
for creepiness and execution

[C. Rose]

Peeping In your window - Peeping in your window (lowercase in)
into your window - Consider 'through your window. I read into your window as a bird crashing into a window.

I don't read a lot of minimalist writing. Interesting.

I find it interesting that the second stanza is only creepy because of the first stanza. If you just read the second stanza they could teenagers in a relationship.

[LawrenceRaybon]

Technically this isn't a Septolet. A septolet should have 14 words total. You did honor the spirit of a septolet though, using a minimalist approach to create a picture. A rather dark picture at that. I feel like this could be reduced/refined even further. Something like:

Me
Walking, Stalking, Creeping
Peeping in your window

You
At home, Alone, Asleep
I crawl into your window.

Overall it's very good I'd give it an 8/10.

***These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[Jack Kennedy]

It's okay I also only comment on poems I like. Thanks for the advice and I've been working on septolets and making sure they're correct. Thanks again for the advice and review and I hope you find your way to my other works.

Bravo... I like this one very much! it has that rhythm like a creepy show on TV.. The only suggestion I have is in the last line...
Instead of : Asleep as I crawl into your window how about Asleep as I crawl (through) your window..
Just a thought... but I like this one...