WINDOW

a poem type similar to septolet but not quite

Me 

Walking 

Stalking

Creeping

Peeping In your window

You

Parents gone

Alone

At home 

Asleep as I crawl into your window

Author's Note

1-10 RATE IT!!!

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

Another good one here, but I cannot help but feel that there is more to this than what you've written. More to the scene and to the emotions... I want to know what happens once the "me" has crawled into the "you's" window... a 5 rate. Give me the rest =D

[Jack Kennedy]

There is no more its supposed to be a minimalistic type ting where few words are read but it leaves a wonder of what's next... Thanks for the feedback :)

[Jack Kennedy]

Thing* a mistake there...

[Ravyne Hawke]

I understand the minimalism thing, but this was just a tease.. lol

[Jack Kennedy]

In that case the mission is complete!!

[maria ( rose)]

hhaa you make me laugh ..with your rating system..ok for this I rate it a 6 only because you didn't use the door..lol j/kidding)) think it is very good ..
-maria rose♥

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice lead for a story. You said enough in the short poem to create visions of a dangerous situation coming to life. No weakness in the short poem with a good tale.
Coyote

[wordman]

sweet little tanka I think I did that a time or two brings back memories

[abluehorseandflowers]

Strictly speaking, a septolet is 7 lines of 14 words. Pushing the boundries of form is cool, but this poem evokes no feeling so it leaves me a bit lacking.

[Wynter Ignatius]

"You
Parents gone
Alone
At home
Asleep as I crawl into your window"

One change I would make is the following, otherwise again, you have a certain knack for blunt and to the point minimalist poetry.

"You
Parents gone
Alone
At home
Asleep as I crawl
Into your window"

[Jack Kennedy]

Haha thanks for the support and feedback. The minimalistic tone is inspired by Kanye West's YEEZUS album

[Kasey Miriam]

The second verse is timed oddly

[Tina Louise UK]

EXCELLENT! Love what you did here, great piece :) x

[Jack Kennedy]

I really loved the FLOW to this one its inspired by a song titled She by Tyler The Creator & Frank Ocean. OFWGKTA

[s y e]

This is very, very, very creepy... I will definitely remember to close and lock all my windows and I'll get a body guard too... just in case.

[Jack Kennedy]

Did you like it???

[s y e]

Yes, I am just thanking myself I didn't read it at night!!

[Jack Kennedy]

Oh its 3:20 am where I'm at !!! I was thinking you were reading this at night

[Jack Kennedy]

I'd greatly appreciate reviews for my other works. PLEASE

[s y e]

Nooooooooo, ha. It's after 9 a.m. where I am. :P

[s y e]

Sure, I will do. :P After school. What the heck you doing up after 3???? You're worse than me! xD

[Jack Kennedy]

I don't why I'm still up I gotta go to school tomorrow (or today) bit thanks for the support!!! :)

[s y e]

hahaha, good luck getting up or staying up....

[Jack Kennedy]

Haha thanks for the luck!!!

[just Penny]

Haha. I love this ! Says so much in a short poem, yet you still manage to add dark elements to it. Nice write :)