sand box

we are all huge children,

sharing chocolate bars in the sand box -

collaborating on lop-sided castles -

making up our own rules -

for created kingdoms

and when summer's fun

fades away

the wind and the waves

will have erased every evidence

that our words

might have mattered

Reviews

[Tommy]

I hope there was no cat around. lol. Just kidding :0)

There are those who make the rules and those who follow, I’m glad you see yourself as one of the makers. I think it is time to expand the kingdom, and take it to D.C. If we all sound off with one voice, let’s see if their two ears can hear…

Probably a direction you didn’t think this would go, but it is where my heart was looking this morning…lol..

Great Write Emily!
RLG,
Tommy

[...]

. a beautifully introspective piece ... to me, your words matter infinitely ... but i do know what you mean ... we will build castles that last ... we can ...

[Corrupthoughts]

Very interesting sum up. I wonder if you are directly referring to children or even in adult-hood, how little our words remain unheard. Short and simple but well done, not much to critique on this one but perhaps add 'same' before sandbox in the second line. Just a suggestion.

[joshua deathdealer]

Loved it. Nicely done.

[Tim]

It's a simple poem but I'm sure there are many metaphors that can be found within its essnce. Great poem.

[Poeticadia]

I have been thinking about this one for some time... it works on so many levels... social and political. You always write with such brevity... saying so so much in those few words.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Hey, I like the analogy and wisdom presented to us here.
Would love to see it grow into a bigger piece, as you mention below. For now it works wonderfully just as these five lines, which is impressive.

Nothing changes when you become an adult, we just pretend it does to feel superior over the kids... Great write Emily. Let me know if you add to it :)

[alan peter kelly]

yes indeed....and it seems im becoming larger by the day!! my kingdom is one of self imposed exile from names with nom de plume characters that way outweigh my capacity for understanding their real meaning or intent and so my rules are true to the maintenance of the balance in solitude....you never cease to inspire me :)

[Ladysue]

oh I like this...so true...

[Jeff Loquist]

ah...sandy chocolate bars...i often miss the days when a little sand didn't matter