Shhhhhh, Quiet

Trapped inside the mind,

Screaming and yelling to get out.

Prevented by the blockade behind the mouth.

Too many words.

Too many thoughts,

swirling  and swimming all around.

Topics of all kinds.

Only to be released by the

bleeding of ink from a pen on paper, scrawling words across the blue lines.

Wanting to voice aloud, cannot find proper phrases.

But placed on paper, the screaming of words mellow, and become coherent.

Unable to be formed in a paragraph, for in the mind if full of rhyme and stanzas.

Tries to wrote for others to understand, but usually writes to clear the mind.

People speak, they are loud or quiet, aggressive or sweet. All able to voice their words aloud.

Not uncomfortable, or scared.

Nor nervous,

Just trying to  sort the swirling and swimmingwords.

Words often

s

      P

I

       R

A

       L

into themselves, always getting smaller,

N

E

V

E

R

stopping or

C

H

A

N

G

I

N

G

.

The mind gets lost within the spirals, trying desperately to

E

   S

       C

           A

                P

                      E

through the voice.

Always in search of pen and paper, to scratch things down.

Wants to help other, often doesn’t know how to offer.

Has appreciation for those around, yet doesn’t know how to show or say.

Wanting to speak, mind screaming back, saying to stay quiet from years of being told not to speak.

Still unsure how to properly show affection, to family, friends, and significant other.

Cares a lot, struggling to keep pace.

The only comfort, when thoughts are sorted out through the blood of pens staining the white paper.

Author's Note

I come from a very f***** up home.
My father and stepmother treated me as a thing, rather than a child.
They would yell and yell at me, telling me to answer them, then as soon as I try to answer, I would try to answer, then instantly be shut down by being told to shut the hell up.
If I didn't do one little thing, I'd be slapped.
If my niece or nephew did something, it would be put on me.
Everything in this poem, is a problem that was created by them.
When I was still living with them, I would write things down on paper, the burn the paper.

Just a little more about me I guess.

Reviews

[Lavi]

Bloody hell, I can relate to this so much. I love so many of your lines and would've quoted them all here but was too excited to leave this review to add more than this one:
"Tries to write for others to understand, but usually writes to clear the mind."
It's somewhat ironic but also extremely refreshing to be reading this poem now after just last night staying up late and staring at the ceiling wondering how long I've been distracting myself from reading too deeply into thoughts I used to speculate all the time in the past out of fear of spiraling thoughts and escaping reality for fantasy and then trying to get back.
And just… you’ve portrayed that perfectly here. Strange though, we have some parallels. Not the same exactly but similar nevertheless. It resonates the strongest with me about writing things down on paper and then burning them. I did the same up until two and a half years ago (that long ago already?) when I got caught after a suicide attempt and now the people that know about that think it’s a trigger, which it isn’t but now I spend my time staring into candle lights with churning thoughts rather than giving them a physical form. Or give it a technical form on here.
Little bit about me there, sorry for rambling, it could be the caffeine but I like to think that your writing has resonated something within me too.
Also, brilliant poem structure. Not many can make it work but you made it do so and you owned it. So so true. Damn, I just love this.

[KCthelastboyscout]

Inventive and unique.full of pain and anguish.i think this is your best work ever, still I wish you had to never write it it

[wordman]

you are creative for sure

[Ted02]

Creative?
Do you call expressing the abuse you experience at a young age 'creative'?
Cat is showing anyone who reads her work what it was like for her when she was younger, and how those things are affecting her now. This piece isn't creative, its a story that actually happened, and is heart wrenching.

[wordman]

the write was creative,the other was sad
and if i need you to correct me i will ask

[danielle.]

I’m sorry you had to experience such abuse. I can only imagine the scars this must leave but I can relate to finding it hard to express oneself with the spoken word. I have written about it as well. I think you should keep at writing your thouhts and sharing them, I enjoyed the way you put this piece together to artfully express your anguish.
Elle xo

[Light]

I love it...
the unique style
the emotinal chaos-vibes
everything fits togheter perfectly... well done!

even though the true backround of the sotry is rather sad and depressing... (sorry bout that...)

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Well it’s good to put the things that affected u in past on paper and burn it that closes a chapter but then you really need to cut yourself off from it once you burn it- forgiveness sets you free even though it’s hard it’s necessary - you are not what they treated you like or what they made you feel like you are you you are beautiful you are special blessed and you just be the best that you are exactly as you are- you need to stand in front of mirror and speak the words you right on paper - it will set yourself free and then you’ll be able to voice your emotions- love and blessings 🌹

[Shattered Rose]

I love this so much. I feel like this most of the time and i love too read peoples poems that describe my life because it's almost stratifying.

[Cherrie Palmer]

You cannot change your childhood, but you can change how you let affect you. This pain, can lead you to become a more patient and caring person.
A cheap soul dates that is what I am. A rich soul let's it take her higher.
I say to you soar high, not even the moon is the limit.
:) and your poem most graceful and direct.

[barleygirl]

This is a heartfelt share that must’ve taken everything from inside you, to be so transparent to everyone here. Your writing conveys the sensation of spiraling, as if things neatly arranged cannot be depended on as familiar or steady or trustworthy. Anything can blow up at any moment & that’s worse than walking on eggs. I also grew up in a childhood home of constant abuse, rape, & verbal slamming. I’m 61 now, not feeling wounded at all in my life, but the leftover remnants of my childhood are always throbbing deep inside me & contributing to the person I am decades later. I was able to heal better than my siblings in many cases becuz I did talk it out to many people, spewing my pain over & over for years. This is more therapeutic than I expected & that’s why I have great hope for you, too. Being able to write as you do, each spilling of your pain will help heal you deep inside. Here’s wishing you the best in your journey to survive & thrive (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Chris Shaw]

Putting your words on paper will give you total freedom to express yourself in any way you like. There is a great deal of power in being able to do that, even if you do not feel comfortable with expressing them verbally. Carry on splashing your thoughts across the page, it will be good therapy for you. I like what I saw here.

Chris

[Dara]

Writing can be very therapeutic and when you put your thoughts down on paper, it is easier to let go of them, especially the negative ones and file them away. Your write is so profound and coming from a place deep inside that is so often hard to express verbally. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and your talent through your written words. This piece is truly awesome. God bless!!