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As I Write it Down

As I Write it Down

A Poem by Solar Redemption

My pen bleeds
As its ink seeps
My words cry
The seer weeps
I keep scrawling
Until my pain recedes
Walking on my way
Where my lament leads
Crumbling to bones
Changing to fit the needs
My frailty drives me
As nothingness breeds
In madness I did
Those fearful deeds
Now I'll have to pay
The price of my greed
Making me suffer
My demons succeed
In the garden of love
I feel like a weed
I am looking for my way
To the flowery meads
Where the chains will be shattered
And then I will be freed

© 2018 Solar Redemption


Author's Note

Solar Redemption
Hello everyone!
I know I haven't published anything is a long while. My next poem that I will be publishing will be, in a way, explaining why I've been m.i.a.
I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review. Perhaps with some constructive criticism.

My Review

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Featured Review

I like this quite a bit, E-C. I like the rhyme scheme. One thing I would consider would be to remove some of the filler words By tightening this up I think it would be more impactful.
i.e.
My pen bleeds
the ink seeps...

scrawling until
my pain recedes
following where
my lament leads...

frailty drives me,
nothingness breeds...


These are only suggestions of course, it is a good write.








Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i like the choice of words, the metaphors and of course the rhythmic pattern

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the rhyming that threads through this writing. A nicely written, introspective piece.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i enjoyed your piece
the gridlines of life

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I've missed you (I've been sketchy too) . . . hope we can be back for good. I love this poem more for the wordplay than the message. I have to admit I'm not up for a "down" message, but I love the way you turn this seemingly tortured state of mind into artful expression. Most of all I love the way you pay attention to the way the words sound, not exactly rhyming, but an uninhibited flirtation with it! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

madness, tears, fleeing emotions, writing frenzies...pages puddled, the scrawl illegible...
the heart a little lighter.
j.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hi Cat. This is one helluva return! I absolutely love this piece. It manages to be poignant and terse at the same time. No constructive criticism to offer, because there is nothing to criticize. Superb!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i liked it,my pen bleads reminds me of the guitar that weeps

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I like this quite a bit, E-C. I like the rhyme scheme. One thing I would consider would be to remove some of the filler words By tightening this up I think it would be more impactful.
i.e.
My pen bleeds
the ink seeps...

scrawling until
my pain recedes
following where
my lament leads...

frailty drives me,
nothingness breeds...


These are only suggestions of course, it is a good write.








Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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18 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 10, 2018
Last Updated on October 10, 2018

Author

Solar Redemption
Solar Redemption

Reedley, CA



About
Alternative goth, shy, loves music. I typically keep to myself, and am not very expressive. But when I write, it's like I'm some place else. I've been gone for a while, and I'm working on getting.. more..

Writing
Man Man

A Poem by Solar Redemption



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