Dissociative: w/ Imiji

The while of an internet relationship with Imiji and how I lost control of my Identity. Oct 2014 - July 2015

She's so beautiful.

When I first met them they were ignorant and a brat really.
They've always been willing to listen but the main issue is that no one ever helped them understand.
They didn't know how to gather their thoughts and make them flow.
They didn't know how to fight for themselves, how to think for themselves
They didn't f*****g understand that they'd been stepped on because they let themselves be.
It made me sad and then angered because I knew they could do it.
You don't go through things in life like they did--

and not have the ability to stand up for yourself.
That's where I came in.
I took them back to places they ran from
And helped them yell "I'm not afraid of you"
I watched them do it and I was so f*****g proud--

No matter how badly it hurt for both of us.
We did it together.
it's-
F**k.
Crying-- sorry...
It's
They became a powerhouse
Like me.
But I took it too far to do that...
But I got them to a better point but ... I didn't leave a good imprint on their mind.
I taught them to have respect for themselves, fight for themselves and think for themselves.
I did that-- and I know I maybe should feel proud but the process is where I went wrong--

even if the result was the one they needed.
I've been a twisted person.
I've been a good person.
I've been a dark person.
The person who knows me and what I'm capable of-- that's Imiji.
I left them.
Broke up.
I wanted to vanish.
I hurt them too much.
And I didn't seem to stop.

I met them in Washington D.C. and it was great.
After that-- that's when it happened.
My personas created a lie within a lie.
Three conflicted personas attacked eachother and Nyx convinced Imiji that Avia was a liar--

Nyx saying that Avia simply made friends with weak people to repair them just to hurt

and bring them down again-- and that they only wanted girls.

Liviathina disagreed with that-- entirely. She wanted to stop them both but behind all the noise-- I couldn't say anything. It was the first time I'd lost control.

Me, myself and I painted a horrible picture of myself so that Imiji would hate me and I'd feel a justified leave...
But when i tried to leave-- I didn't want to.
It hurt so f*****g much and I cried.
I was so angered at myself and rid myself of Aviadetta that night.

Aviadetta was innocent but she didn't do anything to stop it.
As Livia I went back -- spent the next three days trying to get in contact with them.
Begging them to come back.
"All I want is you on my friendlist-- I won't talk to you if you don't want me to... I just want to see you"
I said.
I know the decision for them was hard.
But they did it.
They saved my life that day.
They never talked to me the same since that-- not until we met again here.
Not until here. Which is why I ask-- how is she? Does she strive? Does she love? Is she happy...
I want her to be happy.

She is...
They're wonderful.
But I'll move on but I'll keep them in mind-- always.
And if they call
I'll come.

We're close again but
I will not risk
hurting them again.
Not one bit.

I'm afraid of myself doing it again.
Until I'm completely sure
That this curse is lifted.
Then I'll tell them not to worry.

I don't remember if they forgave me. 

I'm at their mercy anyway.