N/A

Little story I made up, this is the very first part.

S****y apartment, s****y furniture, dirty, disgusting. S**t music playing in the back, way too loud. The owner is no better, actually worse. Sitting in a stained, ripped up recliner, his fat stomach hangs naked, rolling over his sweatpants’ waistband. His red, disgusting hair falls into his eyes. Acne like mountain ranges all over this m***********s face. He wears a f*****g wife beater that looks like it’s never been near any washing machine. Doubt this guy even owns one. Man this s**t pisses me off. The monster takes a hit of his pipe and lets the smoke roll out slow.

“So, what you tinkin bout da s**t n***a?” Oh yeah, he thinks he’s a f*****g black too. Disgusting.

“I dunno, it’s ok, I’ll give you $120, not a cent more.” My voice calm and cool despite being repulsed by this m**********r.

“120?! Who da f**k you tink you are bruh? You tink I some dumb b***h from da streets? I been in this business longa you been ali’ n***a. Now let’s bargain.” Jesus Christ. Every time this m**********r talks it makes my teeth grind. I’m not a big fan of being talked down to, and the .22 in my coat pocket is itching for a chance to prove itself.

“Ok,” keep calm “listen, no bargaining. One hundred and twenty dollars,” I hold my fingers up as a 1, then two 10s. “or the deal is off.”

His eyes roll back in his fat, sickening head as he takes another hit. Blowing out the smoke he looks down at the merchandise we’re bargaining over. F*****g marijuana. I hate this business, I hate the people, I hate the circumstances, I hate almost everything except one single aspect. It’s the only way I can make money. That’s the only reason I deal with stupid a******s like this. Although they don’t get Mr. Nice Guy every time.

“Deal’s off?! Man f**k you bruh! Who da f**k you tink you are!?”  He takes a bite of food he picked up off his floor, chews it once then swallows. “Man I don’ need this s**t right here bruh. I can get n****s ta buy my stuff fa 300, I tryna give you a deal an’ you ain’t havin it. That pisses me off boy.” Spewing crumbs past his yellow teeth, if you could call them that. His breath gets carried to my nostrils and I gag.

“Listen,” I hate having to stay chill for these a******s. “120 is a good amount of money. Plus, make a deal with me now and I’ll come back for more business. You have an opportunity here to make a lot of money. Don’t throw it away just cause you aren’t getting what you want on this one deal. Just calm down, and think of all the things you have to gain from this. A new business partner, someone who will protect you, a new friend.” As the words leave my lips I almost start laughing. Me friends with this piece of s**t? Get the f**k outta here. I’d just as soon piss on this m**********r’s grave than loan him a dollar for a snack machine.

He takes another hit, and I can tell my words had some impact. He’s mulling it over, I think I’ve done it. Taking another bite of food he opens his mouth like he’s about to speak, but doesn’t.  He sits staring at his fat f*****g fingers, little veinna sausages on a hamburger patty palm. He looks up at me and shakes his head no. S**t.

“Naw bruh, I can’t see you helpin me out too much. Sorry n***a, 200 or nothing. Ya might a well just leave.” God f*****g d****t. Is this m**********r serious? Ok, no more Nice Guy. No more deals, no more bargaining. Piss on this blob.

“Listen you fat f*****g idiot,” the change of emotion startles him, his puffy eyes widen. “You’ll take this 120 dollars, and you’ll give me this f*****g weed. After that, I’m walking out of the motherfucking door and we don’t ever have to talk again, honestly I’d prefer that. Decline my offer again,” I pull out Mr. .22, and I got this fat m**********r sweatin. “and I’ll pump as many bullets as it takes to put down a fat slob b***h like you. Now how does that new offer sound?”

I lay the money on the table, recline back on this s**t of a sofa, and stare this monster in the eye. Fierce. Pointing my gun straight to his fat f**k blob of a face.

“Uh-uh okay man, I-I’m sorry bruh. Like, I din’t mean ta piss ya off bruh. I’ll take the 120, and maybe we can be dawgs ya? I made a bad first impression, sorry again bruh. Take da s**t and I’ll take da money and we can just be friends or s**t. I can see us bein’ tight n****s.” I laugh to myself. Looks like I won the day.

I stand up and reluctantly put my gun away. About god damned time this f**k got the message. I reach to the floor and grab my suitcase, sling it open on the table and start loading it with the weed. Stinky s**t. I hate it.

“Uh, listen bruh, can you get some mo’ n****s fa me ta sell to? I don’t got that much money, could you try ta hook me up? “

“No.” Cold as ice. “No you gave me too hard of a time, and for that, you can go ahead and f**k yourself. I’m done loadin this s**t up and I’m outta here. Maybe you can get your own customers if you clean this f*****g pigsty up. And clean yourself up too, no one likes a fat slob.” I take the suitcase and walk out of that dirty, disgusting s**t hole for good.

Walking along the street, looking at the projects around me I can only think one thing, “What the f**k am I doing?” It has to be the 8000^th time I’ve asked this question. I’ve been dealing drugs for about 200 dollars a day for the past six years. It doesn’t help out my already short f*****g temper, dealing with the f*****g cocksuckers and a******s I have to endure. Whatever, piss on this life. This is me running through the motions of a s**t existence. I want, scratch that, I need something different. This bullshit is literally killing me. I’ve repressed every memory I’ve ever had for the last six years. I live two miles outside of one of the biggest projects in Philly. I have one hooded sweatshirt and a pair of jeans and not to mention this f*****g smiley mask I wear because I’m too ashamed to show my face. Man I hate it. Something better change quick. The heavy steps and panting of a fat a*s running sound behind me.

“HEY! HEY YOU F*****G F****T! ILL KILL YOU! YOU TINK YOU CAN DISRASPEC ME BRUH?! F**K THAT!!!” Oh man. This has got to be a joke.

I turn around to see the business end of a 12 gauge shotgun pointed at my chest. Jesus Christ. I put my hands up and drop the suitcase to my feet. It lands with a soft thud, maybe the last noise I’ll ever hear.  No wait, I can hear my heart racing, pounding in my skull. The blob’s greasy fat fingers are gripped around the gun, and he looks pissed.

“Hey, hey listen man, put that gun down. I mean what’s the point of killing me? I can only bring you more-”

“Shut the f**k up bruh, no one, and I mean NO ONE, disraspec me like dat.” He’s practically in tears, and apparently he wasn’t alone. The shadow of a woman that I don’t recognize at all is standing behind him, curling a tail up to her head. Where the f**k did this come from? This blob stands trembling, holding the gun at me and this shadow thing stands behind him. Am I seeing s**t? Is this a near-death experience? I laugh to myself, let’s hope she’s my guardian angel. Across the street a little black girl and her dad sit on the porch. They’ve seen this scenario played out a million times before, shootings are an everyday occurrence to them. What a sad life they live. I hear a loud bang and wince for a second. What the hell? My vision goes blurry. Am I crying?! Oh God I’m tearing up in front of this fat a*s. Did he just shoot a warning shot? I race my hand to my stomach and figure out the answer. No warning for me, no talking, no civility, just a three finger sized hole in my gut. I look down and through my blurry vision I see dark, almost black blood pouring from me. My eyes roll to the back of my head. Curtains close. My s**t life snuffed out by a greasy, fat, pothead. I can only laugh and mutter “f**k you,” my last words. Not too eloquent, Not quite the change I was looking for.

 

 

 

“Oh ohhh ohhhhh  f**k. Stick it in me. F**k me deeper OH F**K!!” The distant sound of girls orgasming. Bright a*s white lights, I feel like I’m on a porno scene. I sit up quickly and look down at my stomach, perfectly healed. I look around me. Tits and p***y as far as the eye can see. Money stacked miles high into the bright a*s sky. Big a*s T.V. and reclining couches. Golden arches and clouds everywhere. Where the f**k am I?

“Ok ok how many times do I, the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, have to tell you? Get over to the embassy and make sure that everything is going well, like I already know is.” Such a deep voice, where is it coming from?

I get up and walk around until I’m staring at what seems to be a giant toe, hairy and not wearing any shoes. I look straight up and find myself staring at a giant, bright-white dick. Ok seriously now, what the f**k is going on? The white light, the naked girls and the t.v.’s all set to my favorite channel. The money and the perfect climate, it’s like a cloudy fantasy land. Wait, holy God…

“Yes?” The giant backs away and kneels down, crushing seven naked girls to clouds under his knees.

Wake the f**k up, I tell myself, wake up right f*****g now.

“Oh my son, you are awake. And you use the term “f**k” far too often. Now, why have aggression in a perfect world, your perfect world” The deep, soothing voice can apparently read my thoughts.

“Yes, yes I can read your thoughts, I am the omnipotent, King God after all.” Wow. No way.

“God? As in the God? Savior of our race? Mighty Lord in Heaven? The one and only, true blue f*****g God?” I can’t believe this. My voice is cracking. I’m sweating. I think I might throw up. Where am I for real?

“There you go, using “f**k” again. And yes, I am THE God, and you are in THE Heaven, or your rendition of it I should say.”

I stand staring, awe-struck for a few minutes until I turn and walk away. No way this is happening, no way I’m in Heaven. Heaven isn’t filled with t.v.’s and naked girls. Heaven is angels and harps and f*****g white robes. You definitely can’t curse in heaven. F**k s**t a*s c**k p***y a*s s**t f**k f**k f**k s**t a*s c**t f**k. Yeah not Heaven, no way in Hell. Oh God, is this Hell?!

“HaHaHa,” the huge voice laughs so hard a few of the girls blow away into more clouds. “Let me try to enlighten you. Heaven is whatever the person in it wants it to be. No Heaven’s co-exist, no Heaven’s are coplanar or co terminal. Each Heaven exists separately in a separate plane of dimension. In your terms, Heaven is “user-friendly”. You have a customized Heaven, your mother has a customized Heaven, your father, unfortunately, did not make it to Heaven but if he would have his would be a unique experience as well.” 

“My dad’s in Hell? Oh what the f**k?”

“Don’t fret my son, he will be with us soon.”

“How? What do you mean?”

“The reason I called you up to Me. I need you to help with My holy cause. Making the World into a perfect, Devil-free paradise.” What the f**k is he talking about?

“I’m talking about you being my new Apostle. The Thirteenth, in fact.”

“An Apostle? Like the people who follow you and s**t? Didn’t they write the bible or something? How can I be an Apostle?” This is a dream. Please wake up.

“This is not a dream and we are running out of time. My plan needs to be initiated now. Take these clothes and this list of sinners. You need to eliminate them in any way possi-“

“Wait, eliminate? Like kill them? I’m not a murderer.”

“Murder is a horrible word my son, you are the right hand of God. My right hand. You impose My perfect will and justice upon the world, and if you can eliminate them all, Earth will be an Eden, and your dad shall join us, with you as my number one follower. You are God’s Fist. Trust in Me.”

How could I not trust in God? I have to accept. I will accept. Finally a change for the better in my life.

“Ok, I agree. But can I ask you a few things before you send me back?” I begin to change my clothes. I decide to keep the mask, kind of a symbol of my new position. The rest of the outfit is a big coat looking thing with a collar that covers to my nose. Some kind of sweatpants, long and white and stringy for my legs. This is f*****g nuts man.

Author's Note

First part of a story, hope yall enjoy, hoping for some good feedback

Reviews

[7211]

Gritty is a good word to describe it. Haha It was hard to get through with my proper sensibilities, but I am really picky and I usually read the first couple lines and move on, but I read it, in its entirety! It was like a morbid curiosity, I just couldn‘t stop. It really made me laugh.
My favorite part is when he is in “Heaven” and he is shocked that he can curse in Heaven and I KNOW that I would do the same thing, curse continually in my head to confirm my location. It is just priceless and it made me giggle.
Thank you for sharing

[Cafe Reader]

Interesting. Very good job!

[luciddreamer]

You know this was a tough story to read....very gritty....but I can't say it isn't interesting :)
Peace
Robin