Dear man with the tumor,

To the man I have passed by, with feet that turn back when you walk forward, and a tumor almost the size of your face on the side of your neck:

I am sorry.

You probably don’t want my pity, but my money or some miraculous way of finding 

somehow/somewhere where you can get care, love, and the necessities of life.

You might want my smile " my “Yes, I see you”. Or maybe you don’t want my smile. Maybe the unintentional effect of my smile is that you see a vazaha whose smile looks arrogant to you. Or maybe it looks full of pity to you. Or maybe you think it is fake.

Should I tell you a secret? I never ever want to be or be perceived as arrogant.

Should I tell you a truth? My smile is full of pity and hopelessness, and yes, to some extent it is fake. A smile can cover up tears. I am sure you already know this.

I feel sorry for you and I wish there was something I could do, but I don’t know the language, I can only help indirectly (through other people or organizations). I wouldn’t know how to help.

Should I tell you a secret? I hate pity. It is kind of code for “I am sorry, but I don’t know what to do and besides I am too scared to act because it is not through a structured organization or job or anything, and there’s the infamous ‘what will people think’, so I’ll just let you suffer on and not speak out because I don’t know how or where or what to speak out and act”.

Should I tell you a secret? I feel guilty " guilty for not acting (even though I don’t have much choice as to how to act).

So, I will just smile. Sometimes, instead, I will will just look your way, or have an expression of “sorry” on my face and body as I walk past.

When I smile though, I hope that all you see is “she sees me”. I am human. I am worthy. My life matters. I can have hope. And then, I hope that God’s love can rain down on you, and you will experience hope.

I am sorry I cannot help you or speak with you, but know that you have changed my life. It hurts to see your situation, and I don’t want you to suffer. If I cannot help you I want to keep smiling and find an arena where I can partner with Christ in sharing love, hope, and the truth that you matter " the truth that everyone matters.