Yokai Academy - First Day

A school for monsters - and strange, yet talented people - where the unexpected is bound to happen.

Yokai Academy - First Day

 

As the morning sun arose, Moka Akashiya and her little sister Kokoa headed towards Yokai Academy to begin the first day of a new year. Moka was feeling down as Tsukune Aono - along with all her other friends - had not came back to the academy, so she and her sister were the only ones there. She had liked being around Tsukune and their other friends, so had asked Tsukune to remove her Rosario - the cross that used to be around her neck, which had always kept her vampire side in check for the past while - to allow her vampire side, and her true self, to be free more. Luckily for Moka, the academy had changed the rules, so now nobody needed to be in human form while at the academy, unless they knew that there was humans around. That was not going to be the case this time. Moka could be her free self. Her long silvery hair flowing in the wind, and her fierce blood red eyes, which seemed to terrify everyone... Except Kokoa.

 

"Nee-Chan." The younger vampire, with red hair, and blood red eyes said, looking up to her older sister, who she respected dearly.

"Yes Kokoa?" Moka spoke, continuing to walk towards the academy.

"Do you think there will be more vampires this year?" Kokoa questioned.

"I'm not sure. You know that there is not many of us S-class monsters left." Moka told her.

"I know. But I have heard that there is a few pureblood vampires enrolling into the academy this year. Like us, they got along with humans for a time." Kokoa smiled, as all the boys that were in the lower classes stared at the two of them. Jealous. They were two of the most powerful - they were the most powerful - monsters in the school. One of the students who could compare to their power was Ginei Morokia, but he had - somehow - graduated the academy, and gone on to do 'better' things. He was more than likely going to get up to his usual tricks. Taking pictures of any girls in sight. Gin - even though he was a werewolf - was a perv.

As the two of them walked into the academy, they saw a row of new students waiting to apply. A few of them looked like they were old enough to be working and have graduated. They must have been stupid, or this was their first time at this academy, which didn't care how old a person was - seeing as they had allowed Yukari Sendo, a genius at a young age, into the academy. Two of them had a human-like scent to them, which reminding Moka of Tsukune, and how much she missed them. She decided that if there was humans here again, that she should become friends with them - or at least try - seeing as she managed to become friends with Tsukune, and he had been human.

"Hello there." A blonde, spiky haired boy grinned.

"Hello." Moka and Kokoa said, looking at him. He seemed human as well, but there was more of a demon scent from him, and both of them noticed this.

"Who are you?" Kokoa questioned.

"Naruto Uzumaki. I'm new here. Along with others that I know." He grinned, and looked over at a boy, the same age as him, with red spiky hair, and an emotionless expression on his face, and in his eyes. That boy had the same human feeling, but more demon to him as well. So did another seven of them.

"I am Gaara, of the Desert." The boy with the emotionless look said, in a rather creepy, and dark voice.

"My name is Moka Akashiya." Moka smirked, showing the slightest hint of her fangs.

"And I am Kokoa Shuzen!" Kokoa said, getting in front of Moka, protectively, even though she was the younger one.

"They'll be in your class the year." A teacher who seemed to have cat ears, and a tail, said. "Meeeooowww..." She said, as she walked off. Classic Ms. Nekonome.

"What's up with the cat teacher?" Naruto chuckled, and before he knew it, Ms, Nekonome had scratched him right across the face, while one of the people who felt the same as him, to both Moka and Kokoa, punched him in the head. "OWW!" Naruto exclaimed, holding his head, looking over to the person who had punched him. "What the...? Yugito... Why?" He blinked, slightly confused as to why Yugito had done that.

Author's Note

This is a FanFiction, and I am trying to base it on different characters from different manga. This one is based in Yokai Academy, with characters from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, Black Butler, Naruto and Vampire Knight also being included. I have chose to focus on certain characters from each of these manga/anime's within this story. Anything relating to these manga/anime's I don't own, or take create for.

Reviews

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
Yu-Gi-Oh and vampires ? That's quite a mix !
Reading ... suggest you save last names for formal introductions (maybe a chapter from now), you don't wanna overwhelm the readers with details. In my work I don't even mention last names except in a character synopsis that details out all the characters and their life history, seen at the end of the book.

With one-on-one conversations, you don't need to state who the other reader is, either. I.E.:

"Nee-Chan." The younger vampire, with red hair, and blood red eyes said, looking up to her older sister, who she respected dearly.

"Yes Kokoa?" Moka spoke, continuing to walk towards the academy.

"Do you think there will be more vampires this year?"

"I'm not sure. You know that there is not many of us S-class monsters left."

You could even have emotions that don't show the speaker, but you know who it is too. I.E.:

She shook her head, "I'm not sure. You know that there is not many of us S-class monsters left."

It's even easier if one speaker is male and the other is female cause then you can simply say HE and SHE in the conversation. With two boys and two girls simultaneously, it can be a little tricky and names may need to be repeated so the flow of speech is not lost.

While it's normally not a good practice to repeat the same words in a single sentence and the writer is suggested to find a synonym, this one is written beautifully and shows the emphasis of it:

They were two of the most powerful - they were the most powerful - monsters in the school.

"Naruto Uzumaki." usually a complete stranger isn't going to give out their last name to another complete stranger. It might help the reader, but it takes away from the believability of the story, "Naruto," should be sufficient.

"I am Gaara, of the Desert." This is much better and shows a little smugness too, good character introduction.

Other than that, it looks fine. No run-on sentences, good structure, good divisions, no confusion as far as I can tell. I am understanding this is a single chapter so by all means the story is not complete. Carry on. :)

[FanFicWriter]

Thank you for the review, I appreciate the comments and help you have given me. :) I will hopefully continue to work on this story later on, as I'm not entirely sure what all I am wanting to happen within the story. I will try change the story after it is finished, to make it seem more professional, even though I'm not a professional writer - as it shows clearly in my working. Thank you.

[dw817]

Not so much professional as CLARITY and re-read value. You always want to hook the reader in. They are looking for many things in stories.

Conflict, Love, Sex, Bitter Rivalry, Insanity, Ritual, Compassion, Wickedness, Youthful Spirit, Naivety, the list goes on.

And don't hesitate to not consider using some of your own life events.

Many stories that I write and work on I deliberately add actual events from my life so as to give it that more believable and realistic flair. There is something actors use in films called, "Method Acting."

I believe the same thing is important if not more so to an aspiring writer. Place yourself there - in the story - and write it as you see it - with your own eyes.

[FanFicWriter]

Thank you for the advice.

[dw817]

Sure. You're gonna do just fine ! :7

[Perri]

Is that it? Finishes a bit abruptly o.o

[FanFicWriter]

No, sorry, I'm still working on it. ^^" I'm not used to this website, so I have no idea what to do to prevent people seeing my work before I'm finished.

[Perri]

There's a ticky box at the bottom of the bit where you write that you can tick to keep it unpublished =) Or you can just put it up bit by bit and read request people it when you're done ^^

[FanFicWriter]

Okay, thank you for that. :)