Echoes~

Dorsimbra form

Echoes in the distance calling to me
vague voices,yet clearly lock 'pon my mind
visons of light from darkness emerge free
flowing through an infinite span of time


Controlling my soul a powerful force
surreal source,tis unknown,unseen,untamed.
angel or demon,which steers this cruel course
dreams pushing my soul in remorse repent


Perchance 'tis enlightment from up above
a love touching down to instill within
compassion,erasing sin as I hear
echoes in the distance calling to me

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

Had to look up the form .. so thank you for that .. it fills the spot for me word of the day ;)) I am not real good at iambic pentameter but I don't think this quite fits that requirement .. you have three quatrains .. first abab ... second short lined free verse (best verse for me) maybe shorten Ls 3 &4 ... I like the theme a lot ... abstract spiritual pondering will never come back void eh!? as the eternal optimist .. i gravitate to your closing verse and that core principal of love covering a multitude of sin ... and the wistful "..calling to me" ... i hope we all can hear it when our time comes ... and even more importantly ... as we go about our daily tasks ... beautiful thoughts inspired .. i don't think it hits on the iambic requirement ... i really like the form .. it embraces rigid discipline and wild abandon ... well done!
E.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks for reading E..yes I messed
up big time in several places on
this form..I re worked some parts
this one was difficult for me to get
down correctly..it will just have to be
an imperfect Dorsimbra..ill leave it
at that..I appreciate your reviews always

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha i hear you ... strict forms for those, like me self, are a nightmare ... but one must have the granite of a cliff before a free fall leap can be made eh!? it takes me many re-writes ... and then I ask Richard ;))) he's got that stuff down i think ... and is more than happy to help. love and peace Fran!

[Robert Trakofler]

LOL poor Richard... what we will do without Richard:)

[Fran Marie]

haha E and Robert..I did speak
with Richard about this form
and he said "the Dorsimbra Form
Is a mishmash of poetic torture
for the sane-minded writer."
I don't think he likes it either lol

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha i am not surprised .. he likes things "as they should be" ... not mish-mashed ... but that is exactly why i do like this form ... its rather all inclusive ..:) poor Richard indeed .... he can take it! :))))))))))))))))))))))))

[barleygirl]

Your poem reminds me of those times when it seems everything in life is pushing us toward some particular end & after observing all the dynamic manifestations of this push, one has to surmise that this must be what it feels like when God is nudging us in a particular direction. I love how you can imply all that without going preachy or religious about it cuz the ever-present presence (like in your poem) is mostly what we feel (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Fran Marie]

yes..you picked up on
the essence of this poem
Its suppose to be a vague
surreal piece rather than
religious..the unseen force
as echoes calling..
thanks Margie.☺.I so apprreciate

[wordman]

echoes in the distance calling out my name

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Ron..sorry im so late with thank you
notes..much appreciated

[wordman]

you`re welcome fran,no problem

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared dear Fran. Old age, bring many echoes to us. Reminders who we are and where we are going. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Fran Marie]

thanks dear John.for your
kind thoughts and words
ever s o much appreciate;

[Coyote Poetry]

Always my pleasure and you are welcome Fran.

[Robert Trakofler]

Not familiar with this form but I like the flow of it... the discourse has an old school resonance to it:) it is a double edge sword opening ones ears to the echoes on one hand you hear things on the other hand you hear things LOL hopefully most of yours come in the form of enlightenment!

[Fran Marie]

hi Robert..thanks for reading
if I ever try writing this form
again I will need much more than
mere enlightenment lol..

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Fran ... untamed Angel or demon is what we deal with in our lives, especially the political arena... it is the demon I dislike that disturbs the “party” and somehow an Angel comes along and soothes our Soul. You are Brave to put these powers into poetry. truly, Pat

[Fran Marie]

thanks Pat..so very much for reading
I do appreciate;

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nicely done with the form...but i really like the second stanza...how some force unseen and untamed has hold of us most of the time...even with free will...there is something unrandom in our randomness...

j.

[Fran Marie]

yes; it certainly seems. that way
at times..thanks Jacob so
vey much;