Thoughts lost in time

This was a challenge given to me by one of the many writers here.

A lone figure stood out on the dreary cliff as the stars in the black velvet of the sky glittered over a calm sea.

All his thoughts and emotions spread across the horizon as if re-living each moment with each passing breath. The wind blew slightly at times as if responding to each thought with forgiveness and understanding. Still he felt uneasy and dissatisfied with himself. The vastness of the sea made him aware of his place as nothing but a grain of sand in the cycle of life. As he looked at each sparkling star he begged for a sign.

Many years he followed old great books with no ease for his mind. More questions would only leave him blank with anger and frustration. He felt his worth was unknown, and of no value…

The waves calmly splashed the rocks below as the moon's reflection became visible in the ripples of the sea. He began to wonder if it would be best for him to fall into the moment. How could he freeze himself with this moment in time? One final time he would stare at the glittering stars within the black velvet sky. Then while staring at the calm sea he stepped forward,falling into a cold darkness. Falling, life reflected in his thoughts and emotions overwhelming his spirit more. He began to cry as his tears rolled off his face and into the wind… blackness… silence…calm.

The stars glittered in the black velvet of the sky, over an empty dreary cliff. And below the calm sea gently splashed the rocks with red for no one to see.

-Sansee 12/31/12

Reviews

[A.j.]

I missed getting a little more of a feel for the character, even a few subtle bits of who he is and why he is feeling these things would really grab readers. This is a great start, though. Kudos to the pull of the sea in this piece, and a nice reminder that though the ocean may seem forgiving, ultimately, it is not. Cheers!

[babyblue]

I love this it's graet story it ahs lot of symbolism,and nature love it.

[Elzereth]

A very sad yet powerful and amazing story. The way you descried the character's feelings and thoughts causes the reader to empathize with him and somehow try to save him. Great job!

[Wondering Mind]

This is an exceptional short write. You've said so much in such little space. Nicely done although sad.

[Amanda]

what a sad story...the contemplation on one's life and the tragic ending are depicted well in this piece. a powerful write in such a short space, you write exceptionally well!

nice job on this, San.

Amanda

[Alias Fletcher]

you should publish! (oh no, no points)

[DansStories]

This makes me think. Hmm what a beautiful setting for a death.

[Legion]

:( Very saddening. You did well with this one. Good set-up. Good ending (well, not for the character). The only thing I saw that needs correcting is this line:

"Many years he follows the old great books." - The rest of that section is in the past tense. Should be "followed" not "follows".

Other than that, this was a very interesting and well done piece. Kudos.

[darkgurl]

This is a very poetic write here, like this alot.....Kim

[Brittany DeFranco]

this was great, it reminds me when I was studing about this man who studied stars and no one believed him and everything. It was fantastic just like this short story ^-^
~Brittany