For Rapunzel

This is an old poem that probably needs some revision.

Like Rapunzel,
her hair fell to the ground.
Simply unwinding and attacking the bare earth.
It dragged behind her,
picking up the memories along the way.
Dusting away the footprints
so no one could follow.

She cried for her loneliness,
but knew it was only her fault.
The forgiveness and guilt dripped from her eyes
And bled into the ground,
where her hair could not brush them away,
Leaving a path for others to find her
And salvaging the remains of her ruined state
To find the true beauty of her soul.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

This is a touching poem but you're right, it's a little choppy. I think the flow could be greatly improved simply by changing some of those periods to commas - as it stands now the sentences seem a bit too abrupt. I really like the idea of hair wiping away footprints but being unable to dust away the problems in her soul - it's a very original way at viewing such an old, beloved fairy tale!

[Emily B]

This is wonderful. It might need a little attention here and there to tighten it up a little. But it will be amazing when you get it all polished up.