Candyland at Night

Candyland at night--what a sight to behold!

If you’re there by day, you must see it at night

As all the gold and silver-smitten souls

Toll the bells that tell of a hell untold.

 

During the day all is dandy and well

In this grand land of candy--the saccharine streets

Quell the sharp shrieks that otherwise here dwell--

Alas, they’re trapped in hard honey and caramel.

 

The Bell Tower is surely the sight to see.

At midnight it showers the sugary land

With waves of sound that whip around so toilingly

They melt the honey streets like boiling tea.

 

They zealously buzz in the air as if bees made sonic

Busily guzzling their sweet tonic of honey.

The air then teems with screams made symphonic--

Screams that make nightmares seem hardly demonic.

 

As night goes on the streets slowly become hollow.

The cracks in the roads you’ll follow and see

The cavities that by day much honey swallow;

Those sweet-sodden streets seep with syrupy sorrow.

 

Oh, remember those people I mentioned before?

The gold and silver-smitten souls--yes, those!

Though they sleep deeply while ‘round them these cries soar,

They too weep in their dreams, though they don’t know what for.

 

I say this to warn you: stay you should not.

Just visit to witness its dark marvels past dusk.

Thus you will learn that the sweeter the lot,

The more it will decay and, in the dark, rot.

Author's Note

Please give me an honest critique. This is the first of a series of poems I plan to write, so I want to know if I'm getting off on a strong foot. Thank you!

Reviews

[.]

Very creative! Fine rhyming, internal and ending in places. Candyland sounds like an exquisite place, yet one with a hidden dark underside where decay and rot exists below the sugary, popsicle surface. A bit like Vegas, perhaps! I enjoy writes that push into an imaginative realm and this one meets those standards. Much enjoyed! :)

[Garrett Leatherman]

I like the comparison to Las Vegas! I think it would fit very well as a real world example of this imaginary place. Thanks again for the read and the review!

[Mauricio Montoya]

wow i like this, as a writer to get words together that makes a write so deep, you did a great job, you made me think maybe ill leave the light on tonight.
thank you for sharing.

[Garrett Leatherman]

Hi Mauricio. Thank you for reading my poem and leaving a review! I see your favorite poet is Poe. Mine too :) By the way, do you speak Spanish?