At An Impasse

i.

In ancient times, I imagine us in Greece.

You are the balcony that overlooks the citadel, and Nero

Is perched upon your shoulders. His eyes

Light up with the fire

That grounds the city to ashes;

His fingers pluck idly at the strings of his lyre.

I am but an indiscriminate casualty

Thrown out of the clouds.

As I absconded from those wisps of faint illusion

That blinded my eyes, and stole my breath

My feet landed squarely on the flaming cobblestones of the streets 

Billows of soot replaced nimbus clouds, yet

Through the fluttering ashes I saw you

Looming in the distance.

And so I endured it. 

ii.

I may not be Eve, but I remember.

Serpents have no longer made their home

On the branches of trees in the Garden

They’re everywhere, now.

Poisoning you with their venom

You think is nectar, coiling around your ankles

Until they’ve become shackles.

Wrapped around your arms, they hiss at me

When you step forward to try and envelop me in your embrace. 

All I could do, lulled into a false sense of trust

And misplaced doubt

Was choke back a warning to you:

One word, compromise.

As I dragged it out my lips, you toyed with it

Over and over again, until it crumbled

In your hands, the remains of it lying catatonic in your palm. 

What an asinine little display

The echoing word of promise

Without any substance, like the exoskeleton

Your serpent leaves as a parting gift,

After robbing you of your Knowledge

And taking it back to her tree.

Meaningless. 

iii.

Fast forward a couple of millennia.

Agape, your thoughts call out to me; when you think I am not looking. 

But rest assured that I am,

If only to gauge your next move.

We play this game of war in silence

Your rebuttals and attestations, cries of sheer frustration

They do not go unheard,

But fall on deaf ears all the same.

This is because I am locked

In an eternal battle with Pride.

My tongue blasphemes his name when I find him in others

Still he has my chin in a vice-like grip that he forces upwards

Until my eyes meet the sky from which I once came

And my neck snaps under the strain, I lay weeping at his feet.

To placate me, I am handed the cloak of justification

Which settles around my shoulders like a heavy and dense mink coat 

Cocooning. Stifling.

It is the same heat that wells up within me,

This fur that chafes against the blisters on my back

From when I walked away from you, tossing a lit match behind me 

So my footsteps would never trace back the path

I had once followed. 

iv.

There are traces of mercury

Around the corners of my mouth.

Standing on the axis that constitutes the entirety

Of, well, everything

Something finally emerged from the horizon,

Padding across that endless empty plane.

I relive it for a thousand lifetimes

At the bottom of a bottle, whose label is non-descript

But more importantly, discreet.

God forbid you will see

The final burst of zeal I had left

Tenacity that stretched itself over the span of continents we had put between us 

Which hung in the spaces where our last words ventured out

Settling themselves in the aftermath

Amidst the resonating sound of cannons;

Where an olive branch, snapped in two, lay on the ground.

No, I have succumbed to the saccharine relief

Of independence claimed in vain, freedom as I drown in bacchanalia

That was not even mine to begin with.

Nobody will ever know

That the smile gracing the slope of my mouth

Is as brittle as this cavity, the gaping maw you left in my chest. 

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Geca

I sought you out as I was directed to you and this piece of writing by another, as in their opinion, you and this poem have merit.

In reading it, I now see why.

I tend to give structured reviews when I review but at times they will become stream of consciousness. That stream applies much more to prose than poetry.

But here I will give you a structured review.

I like to relate to my writer, but your profile says little including which part of the world you are from. So I am left to imagine.

Form: It's hard to count on a laptop, but it seems to me in its four parts, this poem's first part is 15 lines; second 23; third 22; and fourth 22 also. The 2nd to fourth parts are around the same number of words and in balance compared to the first part. Forgive me if I have counted incorrectly.

The notion of what I will call for now a poem and numbering its parts is not uncommon in any literature. Perhaps my favourite is Charles Baudelaire in his 'Les Fleurs du Mal.' Take 'Le Voyage' as an example.

Rhyme: You broadly don't and it seems to me, you don't seek to and if it does it is rare and seemingly unintentional. It is pointless really re-proposing Baudelaire as I say the style is common, but in his 'Les Fleurs du Mal' there is a constant rhyme structure and in 'Le Voyage' many quatrains where the rhyme was a consistent ab ab. You don't do that.

Rhythm: There is no consistent structure. Nor is there in my sample of Baudelaire.

Overview so far: This I might call free verse yet with a clearly defined shape. No problems with any of that. I am just trying to spot what you may be seeking to do here.

I do not know, but is there any particular poet you are mirroring here, or is this just your own thing? I would be interested to know.

Use of English: Rich! your language at times becomes a little more complex than the norm. Examples: indiscriminate', 'absconded', 'catatonic', asinine', 'exoskeleton' 'Agape', saccharine', 'bacchanalia', 'maw' are all examples. None sit in daily English usage. Some are classical references. But they all add a coating of sophistication to this piece. I needn't translate them into common parlance. You and I both know what they mean.

Metaphor / simile: There is at one's own interpretation some. But where you focus here is on what I would call rather:

Analogy / historical / biblical: I shall move onto meaning in a minute, but to keep this tight, you consistently use such references to describe a relationship or relationships.

And so (i) Nero fiddling whilst Rome burns.(ii) The Garden of Eden (iii) Agape. Not sure where you are pointing us to. But of the three forms of love, where Eros, Philia are its kindred, Agape is consistently used in the Greek New Testament as a reference to Christian love (iv) 'bacchanalia' another classical reference but again I am not sure the allusion you may or may not be making. However the totality is intriguing.

I would ask you one question about your very first line which is: 'In ancient times, I imagine us in Greece.' Yet you immediately switch to Rome and Nero. One is Greece; the other is Italy /Rome. The two are unrelated parts of classical history / literature. Can you explain what you are trying to do here? I like to be educated or educate in review.

Meaning: As ever it is for the writer to own and for the reader to interpret in their own way. You give them the right even if each reader takes out of it something for themselves you do not intend at all.

We all need to start with the title don't we? 'At an impasse'. Meaning of 'impasse': 'a situation in which no progress is possible, especially because of disagreement; a deadlock'. That's the way online dictionary defines it. So what Impasse?

I don't intend to give you a deep analysis of your meaning here as it would take up many lines of detail, when I can summarise it as 'The Difficulties associated with Relationships.'

Favourite lines and I shall just give you two:

'I am but an indiscriminate casualty
Thrown out of the clouds.
As I absconded from those wisps of faint illusion
That blinded my eyes, and stole my breath' [This lyrical]

'In your hands, the remains of it lying catatonic in your palm.
What an asinine little display
The echoing word of promise
Without any substance, like the exoskeleton' [This you at your most complex]

Conclusion: My take on this piece. This is a complex and well worded piece of free verse, which often uses but not always historical or mythical or Biblical thought patterns to make its point that love is but a constant impasse.

Deca, there is quality in this piece of verse.

If I only do one thing for you here it is to encourage you to write more.

This piece is outstanding as a start.

Best wishes

James

[Mai L Nissen]

Quite impressive :) Jamestown sent me your way, with good reason! How long did it take you to produce this? I won't go into too much analytical details, as we will be here all day :)
this piece is very articulate, your choice of words and your references in each verse suggest that you are fairly well rounded in knowledge. Furthermore, your verse in combination with the title suggests a philosophical aspect... I really enjoyed reading this!

[Sheila Kline]

I said I would be back........

An impasse of will of one lover over the other - no matter what is the location, or point in history, or religious preference, it is the same. One dominates the other by direct, or indirect action, actually toys with the other, but the role is at times reversed, the case is made, and in the end the one who is object of the cat and mouse game embraces dignity for not having been made equal with others who were used and discarded by this person.

Attempts at peace were made to no avail, prayers were ascended, but the reality of the relationship strikes out like the cannons that sound. The use of the word saccharine is interesting as it is "a substitute, false", freedom is not to be had. Yet dignity is maintained!

Excellent write which could mean many different things to readers but this is what I interpret: An impasse of love - it's never going to be as desired!

[Sheila Kline]

I have come to return the favor of your insightful and appreciated review of my humble work, and I realize this is not a poem to be given a "quick word", so I shall be back to read it with the attention it deserves by reading it several times and knowing I shall have fully understood your message when I leave more words for you..........later! I shall rate it, and leave the rating as it is.
It is apparent you have devoted great effort in research to present such a polished, and rich piece!

[CC Faye]

This piece sucked me in. It's dark, it's heavy and it tells the story of a girl, who had endured the pain of her lover. Some parts are hard for me to understand, because I'm not a very good reviewer, escpecially to poems.
Even if this was a poem, it's also a short story.
I can imagine myself watching the girl struggling with her lover. The lover in the second stanza, correct me if I am wrong, died because of betrayal?
Every word was meaningful. There are some words that I can't understand, but it's up to the poet who writes it, right?
The poem was long, but it's good. I have nothing more to say, but to keep writing poems like this!
I'm cheering for you! This is a beautiful, and one of a kind poem.
There are some technical words that makes the poem smart, and creative. I like that. Well done!

[Geca]

Thank you for your comments! They certainly opened my eyes to a different perspective of the piece I hadn't considered before. Actually, it wasn't originally intended to be written in a romantic sense, but people have apparently interpreted it that way hahaha. I'm open to people absorbing it in their own ways, though! Looking at it from a formalist perspective, anything is possible.

[nazia]

This work is so rich in imagery and that too so vivid that it transports me to the place actually.. a brilliantly executed idea.. Marvellous

[Geca]

Thank you so much!

[Tate Morgan]

My friend Jamestown asked me to stop over So here i am.Interesting piece you remind me of a man who writes here named rick peuter A clasical work of art.Always nice to meet new friends.Perhaps i shall have to ask james magill to take a look at you
Tate

[Geca]

Thank you! I'm flattered at the comparison. Checking out your work myself, it's amazing!

[Tate Morgan]

Thank you so much

[Jamestown]

You not only are the best reviewer, you are an amazing writer!!!
This piece has everything that one looks for in a masterful poem,
great imagery that completely sucks the reader in, wonderful
word play, great grammar, fantastic format and fluency throughout
the piece! Awesome:) I'm so blessed you stopped by to review
one of my pieces, PTL! I am looking forward to viewing more of your
work and a hope you will do as well, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Geca]

Thank you! I'm flattered. I'm also looking forward to your upcoming works, it'll be a delight to review them!

[andrew mitchell]

Wow! what imagery and having been to Greece I could picture the imagery so real. A real poets write....Amazing!

[Geca]

Thank you! I haven't actually been to Greece before, to be honest. I just did my research on the location and its history. Glad I could deliver, though!

[Latifa]

Billows of soot replaced nimbus clouds, yet

Through the fluttering ashes I saw you

Looming in the distance.

And so I endured it.

oh my God, this piece is utterly incredible, the imagery, the vocabulary, just everything about it, it made my mind droole out of taste and pleasurable reading that I had with this amazing poetry.

[Geca]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.