On The Inside

I wrote this one day when I was feeling particularly down

On the inside

I am dead

On the inside

I am cold

There's a voice

In my head

There's a story

Untold

Of course I can't tell you what I'm feeling

Because you'll say I need time for healing

Of course I can't cry in front of you

Because there's no telling what you'll do

Of course I can't take a break

Because then I'm just a fake

So I smile for you

And tell you not to worry

So I lie for you

And live some fictional story

Because if I'm ever sad

You say "just get better"

And if I'm ever mad

You say "just control your temper"

So I'm always happy

Nothing is wrong

On the outside I'm happy

Just play along

On the inside

I am dead

On the inside

I am cold

There's a voice

In my head

There's a story 

Untold

These marks

On my wrists

It's nothing

I insist 

Maybe 

I need help

Just maybe...

No she says you're tricking me

You're lying and you're planning on betraying me

On the outside I smile

So nothing is wrong

On the inside I'm lying

Lying for so long

Never mind

I'm happy

I'm happy

I'm happy

I'm smiling (I'm happy)

I'm laughing (I'm happy)

I'm crying (I'm happy)

I'm bleeding (I'm happy)

I'm lying

But I swear that I'm still happy

On the outside I'm happy

Nothing is wrong

On the inside I'm hurting

I've been hurting for so long

On the inside she whispers

On the inside I'm broken

But on the outside I'm happy

So just play along

Reviews

[dreamcatcher]

This is a sad but heartfelt poem...I really like how you crafted the structure into a unique shape and made the lines mostly short ones, giving the feeling of painful stings every time a line is read out. The shape of the poem looks like a dagger with a broken tip - I'd like to know what the original shape you intended was though? I also think your poem really suits this contest...maybe you can check it out when you have the time! :

http://www.penana.com/story/2913/what-is-your-greatest-fear/issue/0

This other contest on the same site seems to work too!
http://www.penana.com/story/2949/i-am-titanium/issue/0

Thank you for sharing the poem...all the best with writing, and everything else!

[GingerPocky]

Thank you so much for the review! To be honest I didn't intend for the poem to have any specific shape. I will look at it right now!

[dreamcatcher]

I see! Leaving the imagination to the reader is good though! We might all get different shapes in our minds in the end...which is always fun!:) I hope you'll enjoy the contest!:-)

[Ephemeral]

Woah I got chills reading this. Nice job on that sixth stanza with the contrasts in and out of the parentheses.

[GingerPocky]

Thank you for your review :)

[FateDictates]

I loved the initial idea tone and thought process.. I would have ended it after the 5th stanza but get what you did and i applaud your creativity...

[GingerPocky]

Thank you for your review :)

[Kurayami]

Nice poem. I like the shape of the poem. It looks a bit like a double helix.
Good job.

~Kurayami

[GingerPocky]

Thank you for your review :)