Scattered Souls...Ascending

the moon is the bleached bone heart

            of a lost goddess,

            exiled to a black vault

static -- gone -- but still giving away her light

 

            there is a patchwork quilt on the grass

-- a Frankenstein creation of mismatched panels --

and absolute silence, as I lie parallel to the sky

 

            I am the hinge -- sprung --

            between the above and the below

 

I feel the fever of falling stars, dropping

in wild arcs that look nothing like showers --

            I can’t help but wonder

            if something up there is dying

 

            fragments of celestial bodies, particles

            of civilizations hurdling themselves

                        toward extinction

            in ribbons of white light

 

maybe this is how the end will touch us all,

when those last shallow breaths of life

are a lock struck open -- the spirit escapes --

            we ascend, as morality evaporates,

            and then plunge headlong

into an unknown continuum

 

perhaps what we perceive as stars,

            are simply the scattered remains

of a lifetime of ascended souls

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

"perhaps what we perceive as stars,
are simply the scattered remains
of a lifetime of ascended souls"

The last verse resonates strongly with me, Sarah. As a child, I believed that when you died and went to heaven, you were given a star to shine forever in the night sky. I believed it to be true, for what else could possibly explain why there were so many?

It's always a pleasure to read you!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm glad you could see this one with dreamer's eyes...I wasn't sure about that last stanza--I liked it, because what you described is exactly what I wanted to portray, but some suggested it wasn't ideal because it was not scientifically accurate. I'm not sure...I still like it though, because I guess I am a dreamer at heart :)

[SteveB]

I love the imagery here. Well constructed and thought out. Very nicely done. The alliteration in the fourth staza was particularly effective.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Glad you liked this one Steve, and that you didn't this the alliteration was over the top...I was slightly worried about that.

[SteveB]

Not in the least. Certain sounds are easy to overdo but the "f", particularly when followed by different sounds is not overdone at all.

[Dana Alsamsam]

such a beautiful interpretation of the night sky! many nights i spend sitting on my roof looking at the stars and wondering and wondering and...

i love this interpretation of what those stars may mean- the shooting ones especially. something so beautiful may merely be the death of something above us which we cannot see... but in death of course there is beauty. such a wonderful idea!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

i'm glad you could see this one as i saw it, Dana...I knew that some people would not adhere to the idea proposed in the last stanza, but sometimes there are mysteries in life that cannot be explained by science and laws. Thank you so much!

[Tomahawk Joe]

I always find the smooth flow of your words pleasant to read. Nicely done.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so very much, Joe...truly appreciate your words.

[David Scott]

The author here seems to be painting a picture of her self image as something broken. Yet the brokenness is more within than without as seen in the line, "but still giving away her light".
She feels spent I think reading the line, "I am the hinge-sprung-".
This feeling intunes her perceptions to other features of creation she perceives as "spent".
I like the tension of philosophy in the line, "we ascend, as morality evaporates,".
This one line could be discussed in a full essay and still leave room for thought.

The last stanza felt off to me... We know what stars are. I feel like the poem is deeper and more intelligent than the mystical wandering of our forefathers. Might I suggest a thought like "perhaps what we have learned is starlight, represents unperceived scattered remains, of a lifetime of ascended souls"

The meaning is clear, but as it reads it begs a question that is not really a question as we know it...

Other than the last stanza, I loved this poem. You never, ever disappoint this reader!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Interesting idea, David... I see where you are coming from. Perhaps I could rework this one a little, though I still stick to the idea of stars being scattered souls...who is to say that they are not? What we know of them is what we have been able to study, but things change, ideas change, "laws" change...for all we know, tomorrow some all powerful hand may break through the clouds from heaven and scoop a handful of life from the earth. Exploration....

[David Scott]

I get the artistic mindset you had in this stanza. Honestly I do.
I'm also not trying to be a prick, but I'm pretty sure we can say for a fact those lights do come from stars and that stars are not fueled by souls... Well, maybe not the lights you were looking at... ha. They may not have been stars at all. OK. I'll keep my heart open to "Exploration...", but I will also have confidence in what I know from a scientific method. Oh, and the All Powerful will come and scoop up life on this planet some day. Of that I am sure and not from a scientific fact but a collection of evidence supporting a choice to believe.
So believe in your starlight of souls as it is a lovely idea and you do not need my permission to anyhow...
I love your mind and the soul that writes such heavenly poetry will shine very bright in her own galaxy of light for sure!

[Anand Sehgal]

bleached bone heart
of a lost goddess,

particles
of civilizations hurdling themselves
toward extinction
in ribbons of white light

mindblowing imagery Sarah. brilliant

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so very much, Anand!

[MsJewel]

Beautiful imagery in this one. There is a touch of sadness to this or perhaps melancholy, but there is also hope that you have described so eloquently. Your poetry is insightful and elegant, written with a style I truly admire. Very nice work and delightful reading. :) Julie

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Jewel!

[Libby McKeown]

I enjoy the meandering nature of your work, and the sudden yet subtle nature of your imagery. Your word choice is also quite masterful, and you piece words together into a mosaic: the image is unified but the broken edges are still celebrated. You use more words than I do, but the magic is still there. I admire your style.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you...I'm glad you enjoy the style; we each have our own. I also enjoy reading the concise...as in your poetry, simple and stripped down, but such an impact!

[Souladareatease]

"we are stardust" -they say Wonderful Thoughts;) -and still the underlying current of emptiness prevails within this Fine Write-Indeed it speaks as a reaching or calling out to the Cosmos--Beautiful!!!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so very much, my friend!

[Astro]

Normally, I would say "That's some good drugs your smokin'!" but knowing that you're not the type I'd have to simply state that the deepness of your vision and articulation shines throughout this one with the brightness of starfire. The hinge and lock metaphors were such strong additions to the picturesque scene you adapt your thoughts around. I love your poetic ponderings.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

haha Yeah, I'm as clean as they come when it comes to that...i'm just naturally "high" I guess. lol Thank you so very much!

[Astro]

You're oh so very, welcome.