Short poem series. (Random stanzas)

You have an emotional writing here. As long as there is life, there is hope of love. The darkness only guarantees that you will be hopelessly shut off from it forever. Why not apply more of this angst to your writing. You have talent, pursue it. As long as the sun shines there is hope. It may vacation behind an occasional cloud. But it is still there providing you with light towards a better tomorrow.

Posted 14 Years Ago

I like them all. They all seem to say something similar, but in a different way

Posted 14 Years Ago

I like this poem a lot. It doesnt feel like "Random stanzas" to me at all.

I have always loved to read comic books where the story is told out of sequence. This is along those lines. I feel as if I am reading one story, from multiple views at multiple times.

Stanzas 1,2,3 and 6 all feel like the same moment.
Stanza 4 made me read the poem many times to try and figure out who made the slit...and why.

With that said. I dont think any stanza is the best. Every stanza serves a purpose and I think it should be kept together. From the point of view I read it from..it is an excellent story that is told in a brilliant way. This poem is very abstract and thats what makes it so great. This kind of creativity is a place many writers dont go to. Hopefully you have broken their fear and shown then how great it can turn out!

Posted 14 Years Ago

I like the second one and I gotta tell ya the neon green is hard on the eyes,lol. I would have to agree with Rick..it is an uncomfortable subject but good job on showing pain.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Hi Mimi,

Stanza five ("My vision is blurred...") is my favorite also. The topic is, of course, horrid and is my least favorite. However the passion and desperation is most evident in this stanza. So that's why it's my favorite.

Stanza six ("It felt like a wonderland...") is also notable. It competes well with stanza five, and it is the stanza of "hope and promise" that I was looking for. Wonderfully done, Mimi. A very nice addition.

Then comes stanza seven ("You broke the promise you swore to keep...") then dashes this hope. This is probably my next favorite stanza after stanza five.

Stanza eight is the first questioning of your efforts in life. It has a positive upbeat. It says I will try, despite the obstacles. This is a uncharacteristically emotionally strong stanza for you. I must say that I like it.

The whole poem seems to be a teetering between hope and disappointment. Such is life, I suppose. And you do this very well.

Best regards,

Rick

Posted 14 Years Ago

I like the one in purple because it mirrors a lot of y own writing and i connect best with it.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Honestly, this rocked.
I think the last one may have been my favorite, mostly because of the rhymes at the end went so well together.
Amazing.

Posted 14 Years Ago

My vision is blurred,
my voice is unheard.
I let out a sigh
as I lie here and die.

I like it because it's loking beyond and seeing what has to offer.
Very loving write here. Wonderful flow of words.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Christ, this is a hard one lol. To tell u the truth, i love all 5. But if i were to pick one, i would pick the first, as if u loved someone, wouldnt u want the other to feel and say the same back as well? I think it's the most powerful stanza of all. When both say "I Love You," and they mean it, it's the most powerful thing a heart and soul could ever feel. Wonderfly expressed lines here!! :)

B.A.

Posted 14 Years Ago

You have an emotional writing here. As long as there is life, there is hope of love. The darkness only guarantees that you will be hopelessly shut off from it forever. Why not apply more of this angst to your writing. You have talent, pursue it. As long as the sun shines there is hope. It may vacation behind an occasional cloud. But it is still there providing you with light towards a better tomorrow.

Posted 14 Years Ago