Day #1 Getting Over Her

Beginning of a journey.

I'm deeply in love with her but I feel that she doesn't feel the way I feel about her and has met someone else and it aches my heart to think about it and I don't want to have feelings for her anymore. I just wanna move on and get over with it. I will always love her but I feel she may never feel the same way I do about her and thinking about it puts me in an endless loop of thinking about her and being depressed. I can't watch movies,tv shows,anime and even porn without thinking about her I've never had feelings for a girl like this. I don't want to think about me and her having a thing I don't want to try and win her heart "you win some you lose some" and I've clearly lost this one. I've been trying for days and weeks to get over her but nothing seems to work so imma have to try and type it out I'd write it on a paper but I wouldn't want anyone to see my thoughts *sigh*. I hope I lose these feelings within this week. I plan on avoiding her and anything to do with her because the more I talk to her the more my heart aches and craves her love. I never thought I'd ever fall for an Internet girl but here I am today in my bed unable to get up I can barely eat or do the things I love because of how heart broken I am. I'm sick and tired of these feelings and I just want them gone. I even look at this other girls ig page to forget about izra it works but only for a short while. The girls name is nour I hooked up with her awhile back a shame I didn't feel the same way for her as I did for izra I really should've but I didn't I didn't even message her after we hooked up and I know I should've. I was her first and I couldn't even have some decency to ask her how she was or what not. I feel like I should talk to someone about this but doing that will only make me feel weak about myself and my pride is just idk it is what it is I can't admit to being a softy because.... Idk how to put it but I'm not very good at admitting things like that even if I did love a girl I could never admit to it, it'd make me feel empty and idk like a w***e. I don't want to be used or whatever I feel like love isn't my thing I may have the ability to love someone but I don't want to love anyone because I fear that it won't last and it will only get me hurt and that makes me feel weak,pathetic and vulnerable. Right now all I need is someone to get her off of my mind but the problem is I'm not interested in anyone but her... I used to go out hang out and what not and when I'd see an attractive girl I'd admire her beauty and think of possibilities but now it's just I can look but she'd only be appealing to my eyes while izra is appealing to my eyes and heart. I've known her for quite some time and I hope to continue on knowing her,it's been a great friendship... Or maybe I should just throw her outta my life maybe I don't need her idk what to think anymore falling for her has changed me in more than one way. I just wanna sleep and wake up when I've forgotten all about her, I wanna wake up thinking about what I'm gonna do on that day not about her. I'm sick and tired of being this me the emotional,soft,depressed little b***h... I think that's about all I have on my chest for now or I hope it is. Well it isn't all I had on my chest this is just something I wanna get outta the way. Sometimes you'll meet someone and you're all like "I want to marry this person and spend the rest of my life with them" well for me it's quite similar only thing is I'm logical about things and me marrying her isn't very possible in ways I don't like to think of but if I could marry her I'd do it instantly... Well not instantly but yes the way I feel right now all I want is her she may not be perfect to some people but to me she's one of a kind and the way I feel about her right now has me feeling like she's the only girl for me... Which of course isn't true but to me I feel like it's just me and her in this world as dull as that sounds it's how I feel . Like I don't even wanna get laid or anything I just wanna drink my problems away and forget about her but Instead imma go with this and not do anything I'll regret in the future. So starting from today I plan on writing down everything I feel and think about her in hopes that this will help me forget about her.

That's it for today #1

Author's Note

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